Love Mentor, Elizabeth Sullivan (www.lovementor.com) tells Female First readers exclusively what it takes to make it through the first year of being married.
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There are many debates about the first year of marriage, whether it’s the ‘honeymoon’ period or if your life suddenly changes for the worse as soon as you get married. But what really happens? What should you expect? How can you make it a truly happy ever after?
Expect to Adjust
When your relationship moves from dating to living together or marriage, you are joining two lives. There will be challenges and you are sharing time, space, money, and labour. You are seeing each other when you’re tired, grumpy and stressed and not just on a date when you’re excited to see each other.
Discuss How You Want Your Life Together to be
There is no set formula for marriage, you both determine what happens. Discuss how you want your life together to be, what is it you need from each other? What each of you does in your leisure time impacts on the other. What are the habits and rituals you want to create together…whether it’s a run every Saturday morning or a kiss when you get home from work.
Spend Time Together on a Daily Basis
Agree to set some time aside to chat about what’s happened during the day. Acknowledging your partner’s daily life can work wonders. Going for a long walk or drive will give you alone time together. The key is to get out of the house as it reduces interruptions and distractions and provides an opportunity to talk and listen to one another. Keep a sense of humour and do something special together regularly, whether it’s weekly, fortnightly or even monthly. One happily married couple I know take turns to arrange a surprise treat for each other every month. Sometimes it’s a musical or a massage and sometimes it’s a weekend away.
Build a Sense of Togetherness
It is not just about you anymore. Successful couples build a vision together; they share a vision for the future. It’s important you shift from “I” thinking to “we” thinking – that you think not just about what’s good for you but what’s good for the marriage (or even harmful). Think of the marriage as something that needs to be looked after, something that needs to nurtured and paid attention to. Just like your job and your health, or any other areas of your life, your marriage and partner need attention to flourish. Learn from the long term happily married couples, they value the relationship and see it as their biggest investment.
Avoid Petty Disagreements
Invest in things that help you step round the irritations. Many disagreements can be about chores, which can be avoided so easily. If you’re both working, you want to be spending your precious spare time enjoying your new life together rather than doing the washing up, so buy a dishwasher. Be sure to have a good night’s sleep by starting your new life with a brand new mattress. If your partner is a restless sleeper, there are double beds now with two mattresses zipped together, so you don’t notice them moving around as much.
Water the Grass
A happy marriage does take hard work. If you see a happy couple who have been together a long time, they have worked at it. I have never met a happily married couple yet who didn’t. The key is having the right attitude. Make an effort, tune into each other’s moods and body language and be sensitive about their past.
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