7 Self-Dates for Extroverts by Treva Brandon Scharf

11 March 2023

Living loud and proud as a single person just got a big endorsement from Miley Cyrus. In her triumphant song “Flowers,” Miley celebrates the pleasure (and power) of going solo:

Treva Brandon Scharf

“I can buy myself flowers

Write my name in the sand

Talk to myself for hours

Take myself dancing and

I can hold my own hand”

I actually did all this when I was single and thought nothing of it. It was a normal part of my routine—just like brushing my teeth or getting waxed. I bought myself flowers, I wrote my name in the sand, and I definitely held my own hand, especially after a brutal breakup. Call it self-care or singles survival skills, these are the things you do when you’re on your own.

And the good news is now you have Miley’s anthem to sing when you’re doing it!

Having a relationship with yourself, enjoying your own company, and treating yourself well is what being an empowered single is all about. You don’t need someone to make it happen, nor do you need approval or a special occasion to go out and enjoy your life. You can make it happen right now, by yourself. Don’t wait to be asked out—ask yourself out and go.

I got married for the first time at 51, so I had a lot of dating myself, and I got very good at it. I got good at being single, too.

My dates were dual purpose and strategic: I’d go out by myself, but I’d go to places where I still had opportunities to interact with people if I wanted. That’s the beauty of going solo—you can stay single, or you can mingle. You can enjoy “me” time, and at the same time enjoy the possibility of making a romantic connection, a new friend, or a business contact.

It may seem intimidating or awkward to go out by yourself, but just remember, there’s no shame or judgment. No one is going to question, care, or look twice. In fact, I think it’s something to be proud of. Whenever I see a woman out by herself at a restaurant or the movies, I think “Wow, that’s a righteous single babe.”

And if you do get the side-eye from someone, they’re probably on a miserable date, enviously wishing they could be you—alone and fabulous.

If you’re looking for some self-date night ideas (or day outings), here are my go-to favorites:

1.) Sushi bars

If you want to mind your own business, and eat your spicy tuna in peace at the bar, no one will bother you, but there’s no better conversation starter than asking the person next to you: “How’s the Spanish mackerel?”

2.) A bar or gastropub

Sit at the bar, or find a table where there’s action, bring a book or your laptop, order a drink and something to eat, and enjoy every minute. NOTE: If you’re leaving open the possibility of a chance encounter at the bar, stay off your phone. Having reading material or something to work on is much more intriguing and inviting.

3.) Wine tasting

You learn, you meet interesting people, you taste incredible wine. Win-win, baby.

4.) Museums

The great thing about museums isn’t just the art, it’s the art lovers who meander around by themselves. Singles, you’re never alone in a museum, you’re with your people! I can’t think of any other public venue that would make even the most introverted feel comfortable and at ease. To enhance your experience (and possibly meet someone) take a guided group tour. Also, some museums are open on weekend evenings, and even offer live music, which I’ve done, and it’s fun.

On a related note, art galleries and gallery openings make fantastic date nights. Google your local galleries and artists to find out what’s new and happening.

5.) Coffee houses

I think of a bustling coffee house like I do a bar or café—just without the booze. Great places to work or read, with lots of activity and buzz, and of course, potential to meet and greet. When I was single, I frequented the same local coffee place a few mornings a week, and I not only wrote an entire screenplay (being jacked-up on espresso helped), I also met super cool people while doing it. P.S. Even though I’m married now, I still go in the mornings because old single habits die hard, and I can’t make an espresso like they do.

6.) Charity events

What’s better than dressing up in evening attire for a good cause? Charity events are social, festive, and best of all, you don’t need to bring a date, just a donation.

Another feel-good date is volunteering. Pick your cause, roll up your sleeves, flex your single girl muscles, and get to work for the greater good.

7.) Meetups

Meet the mother of all single spots! Meetup is a social media platform for organizing in-person and virtual activities, gatherings, and events for people of similar interests, hobbies, and professions. Meetup bills itself as a place “to build lasting friendships, healthy habits, and a network for career success,” but I bill it as a one-stop shopping place to go solo. There are Meetups for everything: pickleball, writing groups, business, even dating & relationships. Find your passion (and your person).

No matter the venue or activity, it takes guts to go solo, and for those who can do it, more power to you. Taking yourself on a date isn’t for everyone, though. If hitting the town by yourself isn’t your jam, you can always do what Miley did and stay home, strip down to your bra and underwear, jump in the pool, and dance wildly in your living room. Now that’s what I call a righteous single babe!

ABOUT TREVA BRANDON SCHARFL

Treva Brandon Scharf [TREHV-a] is a late bloomer, born and raised in Beverly Hills by two Hollywood talent agents. She is the product of divorce, an admitted commitment-phobe, serial dater, marriage first-timer at 51, and badass with a heart of gold.

A former advertising copywriter, Treva is an ICF-certified life coach, dating and relationship coach, and long-time fitness professional. When Treva isn't dispensing tough love dating advice, she's a Special Olympics coach and mentor to at-risk kids. She is passionate about politics, policy, and people of all ages and abilities.

Treva co-hosts the podcast Done Being Single with her husband Robby Scharf, a fellow late bloomer. Together, they deliver dating intervention and relationship advice to listeners all over the world.