LoveMentor and relationship coach Beth Sullivan is back and this time she explores the highs and lows of getting married quickly as singer Cheryl Cole has recently done.
Weddings on Female First
‘Cheryl Cole’s recent marriage to her boyfriend of just three month’s Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini has prompted a lot of criticism that it was too much too soon. Do hasty marriages ever work out or is the Fernandez-Versini marriage really doomed from the start? What additional challenges are they going to face?
One thing in their favour is their experience. When people are older, have dated a few people or in Cheryl Cole’s case, have been married before, they often have more clarity and more insight into what’s right for them and what makes them happy.
A good friend of mine’s husband – proposed to her four weeks exactly to the day that they met. The very first time she mentioned him to me I knew it sounded really promising. They had loads in common and used to spend hours talking on the phone, to the point that she got laryngitis and had to be told by the doctor to stop talking! I was still shocked when he proposed so quickly though. They started planning their wedding in June for the following February, got married and had a son a year later and are still really happy five years on. Another friend of mine met and married inside five months and they are still together 31 years later, so it can work.
In these examples they had had previous relationships, knew what worked for them and what didn’t. They could meet each other’s needs in a way their exes hadn’t been able to.
But why do people take the risk and marry so quickly? The people I talk to were attracted to it as an incredibly romantic thing to do. It can feel really special when it does work and you have your own magical love story. They believe it will work, so why delay things?
The transition from romantic whirlwind to everyday life, however, can be a bit of a shock and you can expect Cheryl to find herself coming down to earth with a bit of bump. One couple I know who married six months after they met are now having counselling and told me, “My god, marriage is hard work”. They needed to learn how to communicate effectively.
These couples also haven’t been through challenging times together, so they don’t know what sort of team they will make and how they will handle the problems that life throws at all of us. Will they be good at supporting each other through the tough times?
One of the biggest shocks can be that you find that you’re married to a stranger. In the early stages of relationships, people show their lover the side they want them to see. Later on we may not do the romantic things we used to do in the beginning. Less attractive behaviours start to leak out and other aspects of our personalities are revealed. To really know someone and still love them you have to know them ‘warts and all’.
I wish Mr and Mrs Fernandez-Versini the very best of luck. I hope that their romantic dream is realised, like those of my friends. It is not impossible, but they can expect a few bumps along the way.’
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