Please tell us how you felt when you found out you has breast cancer stage 2?
Janet and Adrian on their wedding day
Initially I was in deep shock. It felt very surreal like it was happening to someone else. Adrian was with me so he listened and asked questions. I was just numb. All I heard were the words "Cancer", "chemotheropy", "you will lose your breast and hair", "radiotherapy" and "it will be a year out of your life". I then panicked about the inconvenience to everyone. I didn't want to be a burden and felt guilty for my children (ages 17 & 12) and Mum having to go through something so awful with me.
You underwent many treatments to make you better, so please tell us about each of these and how it affected you.
Because of my age (43) and the fact that the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes they said they would blast me with a higher dose of chemotherapy. First I had a mastectomy, I lost my left breast and was completely flat for a year until I had reconstruction surgery after treatment. I had six rounds of brutal chemotherapy. I lost all my hair ten days after the first round. I had many complications throughout and became very poorly at the final stages meaning I had to be isolated in hospital to avoid any infection. Following Chemo I had 15 zaps of radiotherapy which was quite straightforward in comparison to chemo. After treatments I developed long term side effects. I have lymphodoema in my left arm and my hair has only just grown back properly two years after chemo ended. It is much thinner and i needed counselling for image issues. I also suffer chronic fatigue.
Cancer changes everything especially how you think about things. The one thing I feel blessed with is a second chance of life. I make wiser choices now and don't waste any time worrying about petty things. I defintely live for today and so does everyone close to me.
What first attracted you to your husband?
We met on a dating site and his first message intrigued me. Plus he was gorgeous! haha. We clicked on the phone prior to meeting and it was instant attraction when we met in the pub for a drink. Our first official date was Valentines Day and we were hooked. We had so many things in common and both couldn't stop talking and laughing.
It sounded like you had a bit of a whirlwind romance so how did you know he was the one?
From the first date we were inseperable. He moved in with me after just 3 months of being together. My kids got on with him really well too. Unfortunately I was diagnosed with breast cancer 3 weeks after he moved in. I actually gave him a choice of staying with me or leaving as it was a big deal and not what we had planned. He said he wasn't going anywhere and would stay by my side throughout. That is exactly what he did. He took me to every hospital appointment. He saw me at my worst, unattractive, ill, scared and yet he still made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world and made me laugh every day. He was my rock. He proposed just 8 months after we met, during my chemotherapy when I was bald and 2 stone heavier from steroids and treatment. It didnt matter to him what I looked like. I was still me. We went to Three Choirs Vineyard for a weekend and that is when he proposed. I was in hospital 3 weeks later, very poorly but our wedding plans kept me focused and gave me something to aim for.
Please tell us about your wedding day and how you supported Cancer Research with your favours.
We chose a 1950s theme as it is my favourite era and the date was Valentines Day 2015, 2 years after our first date. We had hearts decorated around the room in white and silver. We didn't want the usual favours and I found the pins on the Cancer Research page. This fitted perfectly as we had something for everyone to keep aswell as making a donation to Cancer Research. The pins suited the theme of silver hearts and I had personalised cards made to pin them onto. The invitations, cake and favour cards all had the Audrey Hepburn quote on "The best thing to hold onto in life is each other" It was lovely seeing everyone immediately wear the pins as soon as they sat down and I always wear mine on my coat.
What's your most memorable moment from your wedding day?
We hired a fantastic solo artist, Paul Pashley who sang me down the aisle to Etta James' "At Last" . I remember watching our daughters walk down the aisle ahead of me with my niece looking so beautiful and I caught a glimpse of Adrian at the end of the aisle waiting for me. Our vows were very emotional and we both cried when he said " I'll always be there when you need me most". There wasn't a dry eye. My daughter read a beautiful poem called "True Love" and after we signed the register Paul sang us down the aisle to Dean Martins "everybody loves somebody sometime" . It was just perfect.
Can you set the scene and tell us about the important details like your dress and colour scheme etc?
As we had a 1950s theme I wanted a short full skirt dress from that era. I had my dress made by Manchester Designer Erica Stacey. We designed the dress together and she sketched it and made it just 4 months prior to the wedding. Her flexibility was vital to me as I had surgeries after our initial consultation which meant that my shape was constanltly changing. I wanted a boat neckline, elbow sleeves with cuffs, pockets and a back drape. Underneath I wore to silver-grey petticoats. It was perfection.
My bridesmaids also wore 50s style mint green dresses with petticoats. I wore a wig as my own hair hadn't grown back so the only head piece that suited had to be hair band style. I found a beautiful heart shaped band online and added a biirdcage veil. The venue was Styal Lodge, a purpose built wedding venue. It is a very beautiful wooden lodge with large glass windows. The theme was "Hollywood Glamour" so there was lots of sparkle amongst simple white and silver and the ceiling had chiffon drapes. Although it was Valentines Day we deliberately avoided red. Our ceremony was 4pm so there were lots of candles dotted about with giant lit up letters spelling LOVE at the end of the aisle. The tables were decorated with silver taffeta cloths with white trees as centre pieces. We hung white and silver heart decorations from each tree. The tables were named after 1950s hollywood movies with black & white photos of the leading couples. Our table was Audrey Hepburn & Gregory Peck from Roman Holiday (1957). Paul Pashley continued to sing swing songs up to our fabulous meal. After speeches we stepped into the 1960s with a Beatles tribute band. Everything was exactly how we had imagined it would be and we shared our day with family and friends who had supported us through the last two years. It was very intimate and personal wedding.
What advice do you have for women who want to get married during this time?
I say "go for it". The planning helped us stay focused and positive. I was initially concerned about wearing a wig on my wedding day but it was the same wig i'd been wearing for 2 years so everyone recognised it as my new look anyway. It also suited the dress style better than my own hair would have. I had my eyebrows professionally tattooed with permanent make up so I didn't have to draw them on and hired a fabulous make-up artist who applied falsh eyelashes and made me feel and look a million dollars. I felt more like me on the wedding day than I had for 2 years. Ultimately it is about you spending the rest of your life with the man you love, hope for the future and a celebration of life.
What do you plan on doing for your first anniversary?
We are returning to the vineyard where we got engaged. We have booked the same cabin amongst the vines and will have a celebratory meal in their fabulous restaurant.
Janet is supporting Cancer Research UK's Give in Celebration, wedding favours. For further information visit cruk.org/favours