Deadline Can you meet it
The celebrities gathered waiting to meet their new bosses, Janet Street Porter (Editor), Darren Lyons (Picture Editor) and Joe Mott (Copy Editor).Two of the celebrities got off to a bad start by not arriving on time. Ingrid Tarrant turned up 15 minutes late and Lisa I’ Anson eventually rocked up 45 minutes late.When Darren asked Lisa what she was she playing at she blames her cab for turning up late and sarcastically snapped: "Good morning to you!"
Darren later tells Joe: "We are going to have trouble with her. She is Miss Big Attitude. It’s going to be confrontation for the sake of confrontation."First conference - the good, the bad and the ugly
Janet called a meeting straight away and asked the celebrities what ideas they had up their sleeves. Yvette suggested a feature based on celebrities and their cars which Janet seems to like, especially if they can get chauffeurs to dish the dirt. Picture Editor Darren winds Janet up by suggesting that their mainly female readership won’t be interested in cars - which she doesn’t take kindly to.
Lisa I’Anson did little to redeem herself for being late when by suggesting a feature on slavery to mark the 200 year anniversary of its abolition. Darren pointed out that the story would be old news by the time the magazine went to press and Janet said: "We’re a celeb mag, not the Guardian G2." Lisa then suggested: "We can dumb it down without patronising our readers." This really riled Janet who replied: "We are not dumbing down, we are not patronising out readers!"But Lisa wouldn’t budge:"I found an ex-slave and thought it would be relevant for a real life," she added.
Dom then suggested a slave going on a blind date with a celebrity, much to everyone’s amusement.
Lisa drew gasps when she suggested she could call up Naomi Campbell to get her on the cover. "She might talk to me - she is a friend," she boasted.
Abi brought things down a level by pitching a feature on the antics of a friend of hers who also happens to be a male escort, prompting much laughter from her fellow celebs.
She then broke the cardinal rule of working on a magazine by insulting her editor, telling Janet: "People like you who make up most of his clients."
A clearly taken aback Janet shouted: "I am sorry Abi I have never had to pay for a shag in my life!"
Janet called Joe and Darren into the office to assign roles for the day. They decided on the male escort story, five places to find a prince and both admitted they hated the slavery story.
They agreed that if Lisa claims to know Naomi they should throw down the gauntlet and see if she could actually get a chat with her.
Janet gave Abi the task of interviewing Meg Matthews. Lisa piped in: "If you want any help with that she is an old friend."
Janet told Lisa: "Get on the phone to Naomi Campbell."
Dom got the chance to realise his live long dream to be a ‘pap’ when he was given the task of doing a star spotter’s guide to London.
They all got a word of warning from Janet before setting off: "My name is on this f***ing mag so we’ve got to make it look professional!"