Phillip Schofield is "still confused" about his identity.
Phillip Schofield and Fearne Cotton
The 58-year-old TV presenter came out as gay in February, but he admitted his head is still "just as muddy" as it was before he revealed the news publicly live on 'This Morning', which he co-hosts with Holly Willoughby.
When asked by Fearne Cotton on her 'Happy Place' podcast if he feels like he "really knows what he's about" and who he is "as a person", he replied: "That's a really interesting question because I have a feeling that if I sit here now, I probably know less of who I am than I did before.
"This is my life and my head. There's no questioning, I have pressed the nuke button, as I say. And I am still learning what that means.
"I'm still learning what effects that has on my life and the life of those around me.
"All I care about are the people that I love. All I care about are Steph and the girls and then beyond that the family.
"But do I know who I am? No. I think if I'm honest, looking you right in the eye now, I'd say I'm still pretty confused.
"It's clearer because I've been very honest about it, so I know that about ... but I've known that about myself for a bit, a bit of time. However, no, I don't think I do. I think I'm probably just as ... my head's just as muddy as it was before.
"And everyone says, 'You're going ... Now you're going to live your best life.'
"I don't know what that means. I thought I was."
Despite his confusion, the veteran presenter - who has children Ruby, 24, and Molly, 27, with wife Stephanie Lowe - feels "proud" of the man he is, but he also regrets how the news has impacted his family.
He said: "I am a guilt ninja. I mean, that is my absolute best emotion. I am best at that than anything.
"I did a lot of research, and I read papers. I've read all sorts of studies and things.
"And shame was a big part of the path that I knew I was going to take. And now I don't feel that at all. There's no shame. I'm proud of who I am.
"I'm happy with who I am. I'm not happy with the damage it causes. I'm not happy with the upset that it causes.
"And I'm not happy about the guilt because it's ... I am in this weird minefield that every step I take, I could blow someone else up, and that is the weirdest feeling.
"And then off now, suddenly, maybe I can see the beginnings of a path in front of me that I can map out what's going to happen. I don't know. I don't know what my future is.
"I don't know what it's going to be. I know that we all love each other. I know that we're all incredibly close. I know that I don't want to hurt anyone anymore than I've already hurt them, but I also know that we are, us four, the same but different, and we're finding our way.
"And I am still very much finding my way as to what's expected of me, what I should do. I'm not rushing out and, "Yay, here we go!" singing some great, gay anthem. We're not doing that. It's all happening slowly."
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