Lauren Goodger "doesn't blame anyone" for the death of her daughter.
Lauren Goodger refuses to blame anyone for the death of her daughter
The 35-year-old reality star - who has been dating Charles Drury, 25, and already has LaRose, twelve, months, with him - tragically lost her newborn daughter Lorena back in July after she was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck and has decided to have a postmortem after she has been to visit her one last time.
She said: "I plan to go to see her soon to say my final goodbyes. I wasn't going to have a post-mortem at first, but I changed my mind. I feel like I need answers. I need more of an understanding of why this happened. I don't blame anyone, I can't. It is what it is, and obviously, it's awful. I'd do anything to rewind it. I guess I can blame myself, but then again I think it's happened and I can't change it. I'm not Tov getting anywhere by blaming to h myself. I have to try and move forwards and accept it. But first I need to understand it. That's why I changed my mind about the post-mortem."
Lauren added that during the tragedy - while doctors tried to save the little one from death - Charles "broke down" on the floor as he called out for the medics to "save his baby."
She said: "They were doing everything they could right in front of us. We were like, 'Please! Oh my God, please!' Charlie broke down and was on the floor, screaming, "Please save my baby!'"
The former 'TOWIE' star also explained that while she is managing to stay "strong" during the day, it is when she climbs into bed at night that the "sadness" starts to take over.
She told new! magazine: "I put a brave face on for Larose but when I get into bed in the evening, I just want Lorena there next to me. I feel like I can keep strong in the day for Larose, but at night, that's when it just hits me. That's when I feel really, really sad and I miss her so much. Lorena has a teddy with her now and I've got a matching one, which I keep with me. When I say my final goodbye to her, I'm going to swap them over. I'm going to have the one she's had, and she will have the one I've had."
"She was just perfect. She was very, very much like Larose. She had beautiful black hair and blue eyes. She had big lips, a tiny little nose, and a lovely skin tone. She looked like a really healthy baby. I can't explain how I feel, really. I don't feel angry, I guess I feel quite calm. I feel all different emotions at all different times, but the worst is at night when Larose is asleep and I feel alone without Lorena."
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