Forget parent and teacher evenings or even mothers' coffee mornings. Parents are going online for help with bringing up their children, according to new figures out today. 64% of mums and dads turn to the internet for advice on parenting issues from disciplining their children and dealing with schools to coping with teenagers and talking to them about alcohol or relationships.
In contrast just 7% of mums and dads would go to their GP for help and only 13% consider asking their children's teachers for advice. In fact, other mums and dads or even their own parents are the main sources of offline support for modern mothers and fathers. One in three mums and dads will turn to their own parents for advice about their difficult teenagers and nearly half confide in other mothers and fathers in moments of crisis. However, significantly many are chatting to their newfound friends online or through parenting websites, according to research carried out by the charity Parentlineplus.
Most mums and dads feel being a parent is the most important job they have and they dread strangers' criticism and judgement, one reason why so many parents avoid talking to professionals such as doctors or teachers. But every mother and father needs advice and support at some time, and they want that help to be completely non-judgemental and confidential.Out of the mums and dads who surf the net looking for help 62% go online every day, searching for advice on dozens of different problems, from how to cope with their toddler's tantrum to dealing with a teenager's depression. Almost three quarters of parents who use the internet claim they log on mainly to find the answers to questions they don't feel comfortable asking people they know. But it is vital that parents see that asking for help is a sign of strength, and as the largest independent provider of parenting support in the country, Parentline Plus understands that parenting isn't always easy.
Parentlineplus.org.uk is packed with top parenting tips all recommended by other parents. There is even an online community where parents exchange thoughts and experiences of all aspects of parenting. After all, there is no one right way to parent, family life is challenging, and all parents need to have somewhere to turn for support during the most difficult moments.
Tips and hints on discipline
* Children may behave badly as a way of getting attention from parents, so try to praise your child for what he or she has done well and give hugs and
attention as rewards, so they get your attention from good behaviour.
* Try to concentrate on telling your children what you want them to do, instead of telling them what not to do. Let your children know how you see things, and explain why you are holding onto a boundary.
* Try to be consistent about the rules and boundaries you set, so that children know that you mean what you say.
* Don't make threats you can't carry out as this will just encourage them to keep pushing to find the real boundary.
Tips and hints on teenagers
* Keep an eye on your teens, showing you care and are prepared to set some limits. But trust them and don't interfere or try to control them.
* Understand why they may be behaving badly. Talking over what has prompted the reaction rather than focusing on the bad behaviour can often help.
* You may be hurt by your teenager but try not to take what they are doing and saying personally. They often hit out at the people they most love and trust, not because they hate you but because they feel confused, stressed and uncertain.
* Parents often use insulting and damaging words to describe their teenagers. However angry or upset you feel, remember it's what they do you dislike, rather than them.
* Remember your own teen years and what you and your own parents clashed over. You, too, wore clothes, had friends and pushed boundaries to challenge your parents and for exactly the same reasons as your teenagers, as part of the same struggle, for identity, separateness and difference.
Tips and hints on dealing with divorce and separation
* However angry adults may be with each other, don't take it out on or through your children.
* Be honest with children about what is happening and going to happen. Trying to hide conflict or the fact of separation doesn't protect them and may drive children away, convinced that parents lie and aren't to be trusted.
* Balance honesty with being appropriate - don't give them details that are better kept between adults. Children are stressed and emotionally harmed by being asked to take sides between parents.
* Where it is safe, encouraging your ex-partner to be in frequent contact with their children, face to face or by phone, post or email, helps children.
* Children often blame themselves for family break up, thinking their behaviour or personality was the reason a parent left. Reassure your children that it was none of their doing and that their relationship with both parents should remain intact.
Tips and hints on schools and parents
* Parents often feel uncomfortable when in contact with their child's school. Children can pick up on parental anxieties and have poor expectations from their school or schooling. Parents need to be positive and show children that education is important and will benefit them, even if they are unfamiliar with the language, the curriculum or the school system.
* Parental involvement in their child's school tells children that education is important and that their concerns will be listened to.
* Children benefit from having both their parents show an interest in their schooling, even when they do not live together. Parents living apart can still share this role and can ask the school to make sure information is sent to more than one address.
* Parents need to talk to their children, show an interest in what happens in school and listen to their child's concerns.