Whilst researching our book, ‘IVF: All You Need to Know’ we spoke with many couples undertaking IVF.
Parenting on Female First
A common theme arose from our conversations – how and indeed IF and WHEN should you tell your family that you’re undertaking IVF?
Being mums ourselves who have successfully had children via IVF, we know how tough the treatment can be. There is so little that you can CONTROL during your IVF treatment. But how, when and indeed if you tell your family is something you can actually control. What’s essential is some careful consideration at the start of the process, ideally before you start your IVF treatment.
Our advice is to think carefully about who within your family you’d like to invite on your IVF journey because by telling them, that’s what you’ll be doing. Anyone you tell will understandably have questions – about why you’re having IVF, about the treatment itself and about how you feel about it. Conversely, anyone you tell may not ask many questions at all for fear of adding more stress to your situation. In some cases, family members may express unhelpful or even hurtful opinions when told about IVF.
Beyond initial questions and opinions, anyone you tell about your IVF will probably ask for updates on your progress, possibly at times during your treatment when you’re least prepared to answer them. And ultimately, they’ll expect to know the result of your IVF cycle. This can add an extra burden if your IVF cycle is not successful and you’re left trying to explain why it didn’t work.
Given the above, it’s no wonder that many people undergoing IVF tend to fall into one of three camps:
Those who choose to keep their IVF treatment secret and entirely private
Those who are selective about who within their family they tell
Those who find themselves being very open with family about their treatment
A lot depends on your individual relationships with your family. Our advice is to do what feels right for you and your partner.
If you choose wisely, family members can be a wonderful source of support. Remember that this is a new experience for them as well as you. Parents in particular may feel overly protective of you and despite good intentions, start ‘interfering’. Set clear boundaries with them. Talk to them about how they can best help you, whether that’s being a listening ear when you need it most, a note-taker at medical appointments or simply giving you the space to get on with treatment un-burdened by their continual questions.
Whoever you decide to tell (or not) about your IVF treatment, it’s your decision.
Keep talking with your partner, agree your communication strategy together and stay open-minded. You may decide to flex your approach to telling family as your treatment progresses. Ultimately, do and say what feels right for you.
Further advice on how to cope emotionally with IVF can be found in our book, ‘IVF: All You Need to Know’, available now on Amazon.
