By Max Jennings, Co-Founder of Hoop
Parenting on Female First
I don’t know how I expected to feel when I first became a dad, but the reality was so much more life-changing than I ever could have anticipated. I don’t think anything or anyone can truly prepare you for how much emotion you will feel for your new arrival, or for the fact that your world will turn upside down (and spin round a few times). Here’s my attempt at making sense of becoming a dad.
All the cliches are true, in the best and the most difficult ways
Having a baby is a completely magical time, and the reality is everything else fades into the background while you marvel at the fact that you have co-created this incredible little person. After a few special (and sleepless) weeks, you are then spat back out into the ‘real world’ a world that looks suspiciously like the one you were in previously, but now...everything has changed.
I quite quickly learnt that whilst everything had changed for me, the rest of the world had stayed the same. My wife and I needed to rediscover our new ‘normal’, our usual social lives disappeared overnight, which we anticipated and were warned of, but the reality was quite grounding. This little person needed us at all hours, that was non-negotiable.
The early months...
In the early months we learnt to shift our social life to daylight hours. It turns out the pub trips can still happen, but it’s about the afternoon lunches with friends not the late night dinner meet-ups. Weekends become full in a very different way. As a new parent you might feel your old life slipping away one 5am start at a time, but you very quickly welcome a new one - the parent club. Parents with children truly appreciate the value of spending time with other parents. In the early months babies sleep a lot during the day, which gives you endless options of what to do. Then as they get older you appreciate the value of children socialising and entertaining each other, and being able to swap stories with other parents. As they say, as one door closes another one opens, it’s true!
How did I miss that?
As a dad I started to navigating our local area in a very different way, I really thought I knew everything our area had to offer, turns out I was very wrong. I would find myself hanging out in places I’d walked past a thousand times but never really noticed - community halls, leisure centres, local coffee shops, local libraries they are all brimming with activities for families. It’s a hidden world that totally surprised me, and we’ve thoroughly enjoyed investigating it together.
There’s no I in team
Having kids was definitely the ultimate resilience test. Learning to operate on minimal sleep whilst looking after a baby is an interesting challenge. For me and my wife, we approached everything as a team, supporting each other not pitting against each other was super important. It was less about who changed the last nappy, and more about which one of us has the energy for this one?
We made a conscious effort to keep track of each other’s energy levels, just because I was working the next day didn’t mean my wife didn’t need a full nights sleep. Infact, looking after our child probably meant she needed it more! So we took every night in turns, and we still do, and then we check in on each other to see how we’re doing. It sounds very grown up, but it’s helped us to find a good balance.
Learning to laugh...a lot
Kids are hilarious, whether they mean to be or not, funny things happen and you will find yourself in numerous comedy situations. I’ve found myself running countless baths to deal with another nappy breach/messy play session. I’ve left the house completely oblivious to the knowledge that I have vomit on my shoulder, and I’ve negotiated with toddlers over what colour bowl they want their cereal in (it’s a pretty big deal). You just have to laugh, a lot.
Sleep has superpowers
Dealing with a lack of sleep isn’t just something you need to address in the first few months, it’s definitely a lifestyle change. Our kids have ‘slept through’ for years now but I still dream of anything beyond a 6am start. Over the years I’ve accepted that this is now reality so I go to bed earlier. I didn’t at first, I stayed up after bedtime and caught up on Netflix, watched films etc, but I’ve come to realise that the superpowers of sleep are worth their weight in gold, and so it’s become my priority.
I’ve changed
When I became a dad my perspective of life changed. Having kids has forced me to think about the kind of life I want for them, the type of house and area that I want us to grow up in and the type of dad I want to be. I want to run a business that they are proud of. It’s important for me that they understand what I do so that when I leave in the morning they know where I’m going. The biggest change for me was that I started to think about life in decades not weekends. I want to be with them for all of their experiences, and so I need to live a healthy lifestyle - it’s things like that that have really shaped my future in super positive ways.
Growing up again
As my kids get older I feel like I am getting to experience things all over again. They have woken me up to the world that we’re in. When we try new things together it's a chance to re-see the world through their eyes. I love watching them experience something for the first time, it’s often something you take for granted - travelling to a different country or simply trying a new food becomes an adventure with kids.
Tagged in Parenting