Talking Sex
If you’re hoping that your teen is being educated about sex at school, leaving you free of awkward conversations and moments, take action now and start talking sex. The average age for a teen in the UK to lose their virginity is 14. They might be covering the mechanics at school but chances are, their ideas about sex will be coming from the media and they won’t have a clue about their emotional readiness, the effects on their self-esteem, when’s right for them or what’s normal and what’s not.
Anna Richardson, presenter of The Sex Education Show: Stop Pimping Our Kids (Channel 4 9pm, from Tuesday 19th April), wants parents, retailers, Government and Music Channels to all take responsibility for slowing down the early sexualisation of children. How observant are you about what your teen is being exposed to? Have you seen the high street shops selling padded bras for six year olds? The explicit lyrics and images in the daytime on music channels, and soft porn magazines on sale at child eye line in major newsagents?
Mums need to get sons to believe in the fact that women are not just there to be shagged, and that women are naturally hairy
Anna says: “It’s the perennial problem. We do surveys for the shows and over half of kids say they’re way too embarrassed to talk to mum and dad about sex. One of the stunts we do on the show is to tell students we’re getting some experts in that they can ask any questions to, and then in come mum and dad. Without fail, the parents thank us for giving them the opportunity! Ultimately, we’re at fault if we don’t have that channel of communication open.”
So if it’s up to parents to break down the barriers because the kids are too embarrassed, how can you do it? Anna recommends letting your teen know that they can ask anything. You can just sit them down and say “Why don’t you ask me any questions at all about sex, about my experience, my past. Go ahead, ask me whatever you like.”
And don’t be afraid to get dads talking to daughters and mums talking to sons. It’s even more important for cross-gender respect. Anna sees a clear gender role divide at the moment. “Women are meant to be thin, hairless and sexually available, and if you are, you’ll be successful. That’s the message. And rich, alpha males who are successful will always get the girl. Mums need to get sons to believe in the fact that women are not just there to be shagged, and that women are naturally hairy!’ A boy recently involved in filming for The Sex Education Show actually said “Women are not meant to be hairy.” They all think that the childlike, no pubic hair look is natural.
If you can’t get as far as sitting down for a chat with your teen, then make sure you’re pointing them in the direction of responsible websites, local family health clinics, and arming them with numbers and contacts. Suggest they go down to their local clinic with a couple of friends. Do the research for them.
While some parents might be afraid of arming their teens with too much information at too young an age, Anna says, “Knowledge is Power. Our childhoods don’t bear any resemblance to our teenagers’ experiences today and the accessibility to information is like nothing before.’ If you’re not pointing them in the direction of reliable, responsible information, who could blame them for just assuming sex is all about what they see in Lady Gaga or Rhianna music videos, or what they see on YouTube with their friends, or in the images they see on the covers of soft porn magazines? As Anna comments, “They can’t get away from it. Parents have to treat them as young adults, and trust in the fact that more often than not, girls in particular want to know as much as they can, even though they’ll admit they’re not ready for sex.”
“We can’t drop the shutters. This overly sexual culture has become like wallpaper, and nothing is done. Everyone knows it’s wrong but nobody does anything. We need self-regulating by music channels and acknowledgement of the TV watershed. Mumsnet has joined the campaign and The Sex Education show has 4 million viewers, but what we need is People Power’.
Anna is campaigning for change and you can join the campaign at Channel 4’s Sexperienceuk website www.channel4.com/sexperienceuk.
Female First Amy Grace
Tagged in Parenting