Gossip Girl Fashion Rundown: Carrnal Knowledge

28 May 2009

Gossip Girl's Blair plots against Miss Carr

Right, first things first- I hated this episode. The fashion was off, the storylines were ridiculous and it just seemed like no-one had a clue what was going on. Welcome to 2.17- Carrnal Knowledge.

To be fair it wasn't all bad, as we got to see Queen B doing some manual labour at the beginning of the episode, or should I say bark orders at Dorota while plotting ways to take down Miss Carr. Again.

I loved her red coat and brogue combo here, as she looked a picture of innocence fluttering her eyelashes at her dad, who for some unbeknown reason, thinks Blair is a nice and honest person.

Something which really tickled me pink this episode, was Harold's wardrobe as he looks just like a grown-up version of Chuck, in a lilac shirt and golf jumper, and considering Harold is something of a gay icon, perhaps Chuck really is hiding in the closet. Just a suggestion!

Speaking of Chuck, he was given the most ludicrous storyline this week, which actually made me want to vomit and you know how I love the young Bass.

Waking up in a hotel room, dazed and drugged he starts to have flashbacks of the night before, which apparently included scantily clad women and masks.

Wearing his trademark purple shirt, the poor boy looks very confused as he rings Nate for help, possibly also to ask him if he's seen the rest of his hair, as C seems to have been scalped since we last saw him.

From one train wreck to another this week, we're introduced to Dan and Miss Carr having coffee, you know as you do. She doesn't teach him, or really have anything to do with him, and yet they are bosom buddies talking about poetry. Yawn.

When Serena arrives on the scene to meet Miss C (seriously, how sad are these students?!) she's shocked to see her boyf getting cosy with the baby-faced teacher. Her cute white cardigan and sad grey coat just set off how young she looks, while S on the other hand looks mature and chic in a stunning black cape.

Back to Chuck, and Nate and Vanessa have arrived on the scene to help him piece together the most boring mystery ever created. Vanessa's lime green jeans made my eyes hurt, while Chuck's midnight blue velvet suit was a bit too cad-like even for him, and Nate? well, he was just in his school uniform as always.

As C goes on to practically declare his love for this mystery woman, I actually had the urge to throw something at the TV. He can't tell Blair he loves her, yet he can become infatuated in a heartbeat thanks to someone in a suspender belt. Yes, I know he's 17, but the fact that he's lusting after a mystery nanny by day, and whore by night is just ridiculous.

Speaking of ridiculous, Blair has now completed her detention successfully and wants to take Miss Carr down, for daring to put her in her place. She gives her minions a rousing and quite hilarious speech until they all agree to help.

The Minions Plot Against Miss Carr

Now, the minions rarely get some fab fashion to rival S and B, but this episode it was like an array of colours burst onto the screen. Pink, purple, blue and yellow all topped off with frilly collars and patterned tights.

Their leader on the other hand, went for neutral tones under her red coat, opting for a stunning beige bow cardigan, bow tie and shimmery skirt combo, which made her look eerily like Audrey Hepburn.

So, back to the plotting and we're treated to Dorota sneaking around the school with sunglasses and a bag of mobile phones, after Miss C convinced the headmistress to ban them during school hours. How much power does this one little teacher have?!

Well, quite a lot as we'll discover later, but for the time being Blair decides to post a rumour about Miss C and a certain student having an affair, never mind what it will do to her BFF's already fragile relationship with the boy in question.

Dan suddenly finds himself very popular with the boys and can't for the life of him figure out why. Wow, he's slow on the uptake and it takes Jenny to spell it out for him, before he finally cottons on about Blair's scheme.

Although I'm not Dan's biggest fan, his reference to Jenny ditching the raccoon make-up was pure genius, and while she has toned down the war paint this week, her dress sense hasn't got any better, as she sported what looked like a dog collar and dodgy pink tutu combo in this episode.

Back to Blair, and I found myself championing a potential new couple here, as Dan confronted the Queen in the toilets about the rumour, you could practically feel the sparks flying between them, which I'll admit is slightly worrying, but seeing as Chuck is such an idiot these days, hey- it could work!

Unfortunately, Dan decided to rat Blair out and she in turn finds herself expelled, as Nelly Yuki comes forward to verify his story. Well, what goes around comes around B, you really shouldn't have messed with the Yuki last year should you?!

As Blair takes to her bed and declares her life over, her dad decides to fight for her and declares war on the school. Serena meanwhile tries to plead B's case to Miss Carr, only to be shot down instantly by the crappy teacher.

Yes, I really don't like this woman and the fact that she's still in the same old boring grey coat, just makes me dislike her even more. Serena on the other hand completely out-styles her in a stunning plum coloured coat, as she follows the shifty teacher to return her diary, which she just so happened to leave behind.

Poor Serena is then treated to her boyfriend stroking Miss Carr's face in a restaurant and does what any heartbroken girl would do- take a picture for proof of course.

Dan is such a idiot here; meeting a teacher out of school hours, who doesn't even teach you is just ridiculous- clearly he's all up for doing a Mrs Robinson with the most unconvincing teacher ever, how else would you explain it?

As S scuttles off to B's with the evidence, Miss Carr flees the scene and heads to the parent-teacher conference, where they're all trying to take down Gossip Girl on a Saturday night. Yes really.

While the adults debate, a gutted Serena shows her evidence to Blair, who instantly decides to crash the conference and show up Miss Carr. Never mind the fact that Serena's boyf has apparently cheated on her, Blair refuses to take her blinkers off Yale and no-one will get in the way of that.

Loved their outfits here, as Serena rocked a casual black and white striped cardigan, jeans and beaded necklace, while Blair went for ladylike elegance in a red silk top with rose petal shoulders, plaid skirt and emerald green jacket.

As Blair shows a shocked room the picture of Dan and Miss Carr, she regains her position as Queen B, gets back into Yale and gets that meddling teacher fired in the process. Hurrah!

Well, not quite as her dad catches her telling a lie and gives her the most 'I'm disappointed in you' look I've ever seen, leaving Blair devastated. Could this be the start of the end for Queen B? After her dad leaves telling her off his disgust in her actions, you can practically see her heart breaking once again.

Although she does wear heartbreak well in a stunning black and white sequined cardigan and checked skirt, compared to Serena who is nursing her own tragedy, having broken up with Dan for the third time this season. A simple black coat and messy hair?! No, no S- it's time for you to go shopping!

While all that misery is going on, we have Chuck meeting in secret with his nanny and trying to jump, or should that be hump her once again. I like his lilac shirt though, but this whole 'Eyes Wide Shut' storyline is beyond weak, and the nanny is not even that pretty!

Unfortunately, I have a hunch this will all be dragged on into next week, as C makes it his mission to find her once again and run away with someone he now seems to care about more than Blair. Did I mention I hate this storyline?

The episode ends on a slightly strange note, as I knew it was coming yet wasn't fully prepared for it. After Serena goes to apologise to Miss Carr for taking the photo, we're treated to the Humphrey coming round to also offer his apologies, only to be dragged inside and mauled by a now very sexual Miss Carr. Ahh, my eyes!

Ok, I know I said make him interesting producers, but really- did I have to see him having some smoldering sex with someone who isn't a patch on Serena?! And what happened to his poet's soul of sex being meaningful!? Honestly Dan, I feel let down by you!