Vicky Pattison has revealed she contemplated suicide in the wake of her arrest in 2013.
The 'Geordie Shore' star and her fellow cast member Holly Hagan were taken into custody on suspicion of assaulting a model in July 2013 while shooting the seventh series of the MTV programme.
Vicky PattisonThe arrest - and her split from ex-fiancé Ricci Guarnaccio - sent Vicky spiralling into depression as she felt she'd let down her family, friends and the producers who had given her a career and thought the only way out would be to end her life.
Speaking candidly in her new autobiography 'Nothing But The Truth', she revealed: "I was so down in the weeks that followed I genuinely contemplated killing myself at times ... I am dramatic about things when it comes to love or my mates, but I had never in my life before suffered from serious depression or considered suicide.
"I'd always thought of suicide as a selfish act and that you would be hurting other people and leaving all of your problems for them to deal with by going through with it.
"I felt like all I was doing was messing up and embarrassing my family. I had lost everything I had going for me and I didn't want to live any more. I couldn't see any other way out."
Vicky sought help from MTV's resident psychiatrist, who works with all the 'Geordie Shore' cast.
After numerous professional counselling sessions and the support of her sister, the 25-year-old beauty was able to beat her depression.
Vicky - who is now dating hockey player James Morgan - explained: "Things couldn't get any worse and I said to myself, 'Stop lying on the f***ing sofa feeling sorry for yourself. Get up, go to the gym, see your friends, and if 'Geordie Shore' don't want you back then it's not meant to be.'
"It was that fighting instinct in me, and my amazing sister and friend who got me through that made me realise that I would achieve nothing by killing myself. I would have left the only people who cared about me heartbroken."
Vicky pleaded guilty to the assault in January 2014 and was sentenced in February to 180 hours of unpaid community service. Her victim was awarded £4,000 in compensation.
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