Elizabeth G. was one of London’s highest-paid escorts, earning nearly £1million for servicing the rich and famous. Having recently retired, she has become an activist for sex workers’ rights and has just released her no-holds-barred memoir Unashamed: Why do people pay for sex?
Q. How did you come to be a sex worker? Do you have any regrets?
A. I had just graduated from university with a BA in marketing and decided to spread my wings and travel to Australia. I was adamant that I didn’t want to go straight into the corporate world. It was whilst I was in Sydney that I met someone who was working in a massage parlour giving ‘happy endings’. I had been worrying about my dwindling finances and needed to fund my trip up the East Coast so I grabbed the opportunity.
When I returned to the UK almost 10 years later, it was whilst I was studying for my Masters in acting school that I decided to upgrade from erotic massage to escorting to pay my tuition fees. And thus began the years of working my way up through the London escort agencies and building up a list of regular clientele.
No regrets.
Q. Why do people pay for sex?
A. The answer is different for each client, but if I had to sum it up in one word, it would be ‘connection’. That skin-on-skin connection and energy that we crave as humans have been the basis of my time as a sex worker. Feeling chemistry between humans makes us feel most alive.
Some clients need to blow off steam after a stressful week, seeking release with another human rather than being alone watching porn. Others want escapism from everyday life, celebrating occasions like birthdays or promotions. Some clients want to be seen, heard, or held, feeling neglected in their personal lives and visiting a sex worker for attention. Others may be going through tough times mentally, and a visit is a form of therapy.
There’s a healing side to sex work that many aren’t aware of. Some clients might lack confidence around women, visiting a sex worker to build confidence. Others have specific fetishes they want to explore in a safe, judgment-free space.
There were also a few ego-driven clients seeking a sense of power or control. One client said, "I’m not paying for you to stay; I’m paying for you to leave," wanting to fulfill needs without relationship drama. Loneliness is another main reason, with many widowers seeking human interaction.
Q. What kinds of people pay for sex?
A. Anyone and everyone! For me personally, my main genre of clients were doctors, lawyers, financiers, property tycoons, entrepreneurs, and creatives – mostly men in their 50s and 60s.
But really, it is any kind of person who pays for sex: party people, kind people, lonely people, heartbroken people, happy people, suicidal people, grieving people, controlling people, people unable to commit, people hungry for a connection, people with a desire for escapism, people with a willingness to explore, and egotistical people.
One of my favourite stories was a booking with a disabled client who had been in a motorbike accident. This booking remains engraved in my memory not only because the client himself was just the most gorgeous soul and devilishly handsome, but because it was his grandmother who organised the booking. She greeted me as I arrived, handed me the cash, walked off, and said, "Have fun!" What an understanding grandmother!
Q. Do clients always want sex?
A. No, not always. Each client comes with their own set of needs. The best sex workers have an awareness and understanding of this.
One client booked me for an hour and just wanted a regular massage, no "happy ending". His brother had committed suicide a few weeks before, and he needed to feel connected and nurtured.
Another client who was suicidal after a break-up just wanted to talk. I comforted and reassured him, which helped him move on.
One of my last clients was a widower who wanted female company and was happy to chat for a couple of hours about anything from politics and current affairs to love and relationships. No nudity, nothing physical, just chatting like old friends.
I have met so many lovely clients over the years. The point of my book, Unashamed, is to eradicate shame for sex workers and clients. I’m not saying there aren’t bad clients, but many of mine were lovely, kind, respectful, and giving people. Many clients referred to me as their “therapist”. I think I built a long list of loyal regulars because I needed my clients as much as they needed me. I wanted to feel a connection too and gave clients everything I could in that moment.
Q. What are the kinkiest and most unusual requests you’ve ever had from clients?
A. One booking that sticks in mind (and seems to have caused the biggest reaction among my friends who have read the book) was my first experience of giving a client a prostate massage, which came in the form of … a wooden rolling pin. The client had clearly done this many times before, as he had a rolling pin the length of my arm at the ready. To this day, I have never quite seen anything like it. The client urged me to insert the rolling pin further—“More, more, keep going”—until it almost disappeared and he could feel it just below his ribs. Fair to say, I have never looked at a rolling pin in the same way since!
Another booking that I find hard to forget (probably because it was the most political booking I had ever done) was with a client who came ready with a blue t-shirt saying, “Keep calm and vote Conservative.” It was shortly after Brexit. He wanted me to wear the t-shirt while penetrating him from behind with a strap-on. I happily obliged.
Q. What is the number one way to impress in the bedroom?
A. Take away the ego for a start. I’ve seen too many clients who want me to orgasm for their own gratification rather than genuinely wanting to see me experience pleasure. One thing I have found over the years is that it all comes down to chemistry. During my years working as a sex worker, I learned to know instantly if someone is ‘in the room connecting with me or not’. Chemistry is just one of those wonderful, unexplained things, but when it happens between two people who are totally connected – fireworks!
I think the best sex comes down to meeting each other halfway, understanding, and listening to each other’s needs rather than making sex one-sided. Meeting a man or woman who is equally as giving as I am really gets me going! I’ve met lots of lazy lovers over the years that just want it all their way without considering my needs. Such a turn-off! (Which is why I have just loved French clients – they are incredibly giving.) Why should sex stop when the man has reached orgasm?
Personally, I am incredibly sensual. I love the build-up, being teased, and taking things slow. I can’t stand being pulled and grabbed and treated like a doll. (During my final years as a sex worker, clients who did this got a very stern warning!)
Q. How do sex workers work with clients who turn them off?
A. For me, working as a sex worker was always about seeing the good in people, which is my outlook on life. Some of the best sex I had was with people I wouldn’t look twice at walking down the street. It was never about how a person looked, but more about how a person was. I think most sex workers just want their clients to be polite, clean, friendly, and respectful. It’s not part of our job to judge a person based on their appearance.
Having a shower at the beginning of the booking was always non-negotiable. Clients who tried to challenge this and refused were shown the door. A lack of hygiene is a mark of disrespect to a sex worker.
We are always at liberty to turn clients away. During my final year as a sex worker, I turned away clients I knew I wasn’t going to click with. This usually came from zero communication from the client and being looked through like I was an object. Shyness and nerves I could handle, but rude clients were not for me. I learned to trust that ‘off’ feeling. The biggest turn-offs were clients arriving late without apology, not listening to my no-shoe rule, and being difficult about getting in the shower.
Q. And what about if strongly attracted to a client?
A. Well, there is so much I have to say on that one that is far too long for this question! (I cover quite a bit of this in Unashamed.) But in short, the biggest danger I found with sex work was allowing clients to relentlessly pursue my heart. It ended in disaster every single time, both emotionally and financially, until after one last horrendous ‘situationship’ with a client had me suicidal, and I finally said “no more” and learned the lesson!
I came to realise that whatever attraction we were feeling for each other was just a fantasy and not reality. They weren’t in love with me. They were in love with Emilia, Oliva, or whatever character I had adopted at the time. It took me years, but eventually, I learned the hard way that working as a sex worker was not a place where I was going to find love. Once I wised up to this, any client I may have had moments of genuine connection with, I understood that it was just a moment. As soon as they were out of the door, they were gone from my mind.
I have a lot to thank my therapist for. After one last disastrous situationship (Mr. M in the book), she saw me in that moment, how I was suicidal and had totally given up on myself. It was my therapist who helped me put in healthy boundaries with clients and ensured that no client ever took advantage of me again.
Q. Who is the most physically impressive client you’ve encountered?
A. One particular client who I will always remember was a French client. Not only did he have the body of a god, but it’s what he did with that chiselled and toned body of his – in every position imaginable, with equal effort, stamina, energy, and enthusiasm. Passionate and connected. I’ve never had a bad experience with a French man. A cliché for a reason!
Q. What do sex workers honestly think of their clients?
A. I can’t answer that question for everyone. For me, it varied from one client to another. But certainly, for my loyal regular clients, I felt a lot of gratitude towards them. Some of them I saw as very good friends with very good benefits and genuinely enjoyed my time with them. I always wanted the best for my clients, for them to feel better after their time with me. Sex work is all part of the ‘feel-good’ service and if a client left with a big smile on their face, that always made me happy to know that I had made a positive difference to their day. A visit to a sex worker is form of therapy after all.
Q. How do sex workers manage to have ‘normal’ relationships outside of their job?
A. Again, I can’t answer for all sex workers, I can only go by my experiences. Personally, I couldn’t work as a sex worker and be in relationship at the same time. It just didn’t work for me. It was always either one or the other: be in love and with one man or be single and work as a sex worker. This isn’t a judgement on those who are in relationships and work as sex workers. Everyone’s set of circumstances are different and I’m not here to ridicule anyone.
There had been times when I’d had brief flings whilst working as a sex worker but they were literally just that: brief. I may have been casually seeing someone for a few weeks and then ended things because I couldn’t handle the anxiety of living the double life. It would come to the point where I would either be honest about my job and face potential shaming and abuse or break things off. The latter was my preferred option.
Q. How do sex workers deal with abusive or violent clients?
A. This is part of the stigma I am fighting against and one of the reasons why I wrote Unashamed. I am not denying there is a dark side to sex work, but many organisations have dark sides (for example, Harvey Weinstein in Hollywood). It’s always the sex workers who are shamed the most and given the ‘Well, they deserved it because they are a sex worker’ attitude.
I don’t believe sex work is dangerous. My experiences were largely positive, not just for myself but for many of my colleagues. I was never attacked. I always listened to my intuition, especially during my final years. If something didn’t feel right, I wouldn’t go ahead with the booking. Money was never the priority; safety was.
Is having sex going to kill you? No. The danger lies in shaming us and forcing us into the shadows where we feel we have to hide. Sex work isn’t dangerous. Aggressive men are. And they exist everywhere. I wrote Unashamed to bring sex workers out of the shadows and into the mainstream. This will help stop the exploitation and those intent on taking advantage of our vulnerability. New laws and regulations will better protect sex workers.
Q. Why did you name your new memoir Unashamed?
A. Because I had to live my life in shame for the best part of 20 years as a sex worker. Unashamed is a story of survival and resilience that largely centres around breaking through the barriers of shame and owning who you are.
I want to use my life experiences to help others. I don’t want anyone else to go through what I went through. For years I felt like I was a bad person just for doing something that felt natural to me and that was ultimately helping people. I came to learn how dangerous shame is. Shame causes people to live in isolation and fear. It is directly linked to drug and alcohol abuse, eating disorders, depression, and self-harm.
It was whilst working with my current therapist that I started to own who I am and accept who I am with love and compassion. The scary thing for me when it came to shame was that I didn’t even realise that I felt shame until my therapist pointed it out. As a result, I began to feel the happiest that I’d ever felt. She really helped me to break through it. When I finally began to make those breakthroughs, I felt a huge sense of freedom. Almost like a heavy weight that I had been carrying around all these years was finally lifted. Something inside of me was released. As a result, I got myself sober, invested in a holiday let and wrote my memoir in the hope that it will help others to break free from the shackles of shame.
Unashamed: Why do people pay for sex? by Elizabeth G. is available on Amazon in hardcover, eBook and audiobook formats, priced £19.99, £7.99, and £16 respectively.
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Exclusive Extract From Unashamed by Elizabeth G.
Here we present an exclusive extract from memoir Unashamed by Elizabeth G. This true story of resilience and self-belief shines a light on the realities of sex work, candidly exploring the complexities of love, connection, and healing within an industry that is often shrouded in secrecy.
Raj was a tall, gentle man. We partied a lot together but on the other hand we’d often share stories and read our poems to each other. We created a space that felt safe for us to both be vulnerable together. I developed a soft spot for him and began to grow more and more concerned for him as I could see his drug and alcohol use spiral out of control. He told me that he was unhappy in his marriage but refused to get a divorce because of his children. Presumably his reliance on drugs and alcohol was related to this. It got to the point where his dealer refused to sell him more cocaine. Hats off to the dealer.
This was an all too familiar scene, largely among men in their fifties. And, on that note, I’m not prepared to take responsibility for someone else’s infidelity. That is their wrongdoing, not mine. I support women as much as I can given my situation; teaching clients how to properly pleasure a woman, how to be respectful and highlighting the fact that women also have sexual needs. In rare instances where clients have appeared arrogant and cocky, I have soon put them in their place by assuring them that their partner more than likely knows about their infidelity and is most probably having some fun of their own. Their expression soon changes. But, yet again, it is so much easier to point the finger at the woman, especially when that woman is a sex worker. That’s the easy option. We are just doing our job. Half the time, we don’t even know what a client’s relationship status is. It’s rarely talked about. And, even so, I’m not here to judge anyone. If it wasn’t me, it would be someone else. Would you blame a bartender for serving alcohol unknowingly to a recovering alcoholic? The bartender is just doing their job. It is up to the individual to own their actions and take responsibility. Abusive behaviour towards sex workers because of someone else’s infidelity is not only wrong, but not beneficial to anyone and does not get to the root of the issue. Some clients have told me that their partner gave them their blessing to see a sex worker and specifically picked me out. Every situation is different. Life is not a one-size-fits-all scenario.
Around this time, I read an article about how middle-aged men were almost forgotten about, yet suicide rates among them were some of the highest of all age groups. The headline read: ‘We are shamefully ignoring the plight of middle-aged men’. With so much focus being on the younger generation, who are grappling with their own mental health issues growing up in the shadow of the climate crisis, with all the complications social media brings, it’s easy to overlook men in their forties and fifties. A lot of these men were well-off, successful at work and ostensibly very privileged. But still, often I felt more like a therapist. I am not a qualified therapist, of course, so with clients like Raj there was only so much I could do, but I was at least able to get him to open up and talk more about his emotions, and help to reassure and comfort him. A lot of sex workers do genuinely care, especially about regular clients with whom we have built a connection.