Best known for her wickedly accurate insights into modern parenthood, award-winning comedian Sophie McCartney AKA ‘Tired and Tested’ has released her debut book which has gone straight in at Number ONE in the Sunday Times Bestseller list. Tired and Tested : The Wild Ride into Parenthood is a hilarious documentary of Sophie's journey about motherhood in the most rollicking, pelvic-floor-testing book you’ll read all year. We caught up with her to talk about the new book which includes a chapter on a lesser spoken about part of the journey, yet one that affects so many parents- miscarriage.
Sophie McCartney
Please tell us a little about your new book Tired and Tested: The Wild Ride into Parenthood.
I always joke that Tired and Tested: The Wild Ride into Parenthood is a journey from perky tits to killing nits. It looks back at me as a 20-something year old whose not sure whether she wants babies and it follows that journey through to ‘Ok, let’s do this’. It covers the difficulties of trying for a baby, because it’s not as easy as we’ve all been led to believe. Then it looks at the birthing of the baby and all the stuff that comes after that nobody tells you about. Like the changes to your body for instance. Because my kids are now 9 and 6, it also explores deeper aspects of parenting - the things that sometimes catch you completely off guard, and leave us feeling totally unequipped to deal with. On entering this adventure, there are certain things that we are all programmed to expect, like the sleepless nights - but nobody prepares for explaining what a tampon is to an inquisitive four year old. So it’s a journey through the baby days, into the toddler days and beyond. It’s a pretty encompassing journey going from a clueless eighteen year old who’s very much like ‘I don’t want babies, that’s going to ruin my life' into a still pretty clueless thirty something year old who still doesn’t really know what they are doing!
Have you always wanted to write a book about motherhood or was it an idea that was sparked by your channel
I’ve always wanted to write! So before I headed down the comedy path I’d already contemplated putting pen to paper, but always thought it would be for fictional comedy. When I started up Tired and Tested I realised that I could quite easily convert my musings into a ‘mum-oir’ but life, as it always does, quickly became very busy and the timing just wasn’t right. The opportunity to write came back into my life about two years ago and it made sense to focus on my tales of motherhood, mainly because I have a lot to say about it! Plus I knew that my followers would probably like me to delve more into topics that I don’t always cover in my videos.
Why do you think there has been an influx of people who are more willing than ever to talk about the brutally honest side of parenting than trying to create Instagram worthy moments?
I think a lot of people have probably become a bit disillusioned by the smoke and mirrors that social media can sometimes portray. You see these picture perfect family snaps on instagram but you what don’t see is somebody behind the photographer’s head waving a bag of chocolate buttons to make sure the kids are all looking at the camera and smiling. Or the thousand other pictures that were discarded because someone was crying or someone just pooed themselves. It’s not real life and you soon realise that most of the stuff on social media is a lie about one hour into your parenting journey, when every orifice is leaking and you can’t stop crying. Personally, I use my instagram to reassure my followers that parenting isn’t always perfect, it’s very rewarding but it isn’t always the dream that social media sometimes portrays.
How has the response to your book been so far from your loyal fans?
My fans are amazing! They have been so supportive right from day one - showing up in their thousands to pre-order the book and pre-orders are so important in the publishing world. I announced the book back in September before it was actually released in February and Waterstones sold out of their first batch of signed copies within hours. It was an amazing response that made all the late nights writing so worthwhile. It’s so rewarding when I get messages from people saying that they really resonate with certain chapters, or they send me quotes that I’ve written and they feel I’ve written it about them personally because it’s so relevant to them. I’m so chuffed and also so grateful to each and every one of them.
How did you manage to fit writing a book into your already busy schedule?! Any tips for the budding mummy authors out there?
I wrote the majority of this book during the last lockdown in early 2021. I was trying to homeschool two kids and it felt almost impossible. My daughter was in reception, and son was in year three at the time so I couldn’t leave either of them to ‘just get on with their work’, because they were too little. I ended up having to sit one in front of the television while I taught the other one, then I’d swap and this would go on from 9am to about 5pm. I’d normally write in the time in which they were at school so I’d have to completely push my working day back. I wouldn’t sit down at my computer until 9pm, I’d then stay up until 2am writing - resulting in a horrendous sleep deprived state. So I probably wouldn’t recommend trying to write a book whilst homeschooling during a pandemic, it was pretty stressful! Tips? I would say just get your ideas down, run with it. Don’t worry about what other people would think, just write what you would want to write and take it from there. You just never know what is on the other side, just take a punt!
While the book is meant to make the reader laugh, you have included sections about miscarriage, so why did you feel it was important to include this part of your history within your writing?
I decided to write about miscarriage because it’s something that I’ve experienced twice. I openly talk about it because this was an important part of my journey onto parenthood - it would be a disservice to not include it. One in four pregnancies end in miscarriage so if you think about how many people are affected, it’s huge - to just glaze over it wouldn’t have felt right to me. I miscarried between my son and my daughter, so if I hadn’t have had that miscarriage I wouldn’t have had my daughter and I’m quite philosophical about it now I’ve come out the other side of the upset. She is one of the best things to happen to me! I look at her every day and I’m so proud to be her mummy, but I wouldn’t have been her mummy if it hadn’t have been for my miscarriage - but at the time it was incredibly sad and traumatic. The last miscarriage I had was in August 2020, it was during the pandemic and the height of lockdown so I couldn’t have my partner with me and I found that very difficult to work through. I actually found writing the chapter to be quite healing and cathartic. It really helped me to put all my feelings down on paper. It’s still a massive taboo in society and people tend not to talk about it - some women feel like it’s a dirty secret, or something they did wrong. But it’s not. It’s nature, it’s odds and it’s literally out of our control and we shouldn’t carry this burden around. It’s something that’s upsetting and hard to deal with, but it’s not dirty or something we shouldn’t share with people. So I wanted to get my story out to help people feel like they could share their own experiences. Giving a voice to people who didn’t feel they could speak up about their own miscarriages.
Why did you decide not to go down the 'parenting manual' route and have you purchased these in the past?
I knew I didn’t want to do a parenting manual and I was quite firm about that from the start. I’m not in a qualified position to tell anyone else how to parent their child, because a lot of the time, I don’t know how to parent my own children. I learn all the time, I make mistakes. There was no way I could tell people how to potty train, wean or discipline their child. I think I speak on behalf of most parents when I say that we learn as we go along. Every child is different, as if every style of parenting - everyone is entitled to their own approach. What works for one child doesn’t necessarily work for another. I didn’t want to sound preachy, instead I wanted to make it a safe space of collective mistakes that would hopefully make other people feel like 10% better about their own parenting abilities.
The book goes right back to the very beginning, so what do you miss most about being child free and what is the best thing about having children in your life now?
Not a huge amount. In all honesty, in my early twenties I was in a completely different frame of mind to what I am now in my mid thirties. I enjoy sitting in on a Saturday night with some snacks and watching Netflix. The thought of going out clubbing every weekend, err no thanks. I’d probably say one of the only things I miss, is just the ability of being able to leave the house without having to shout at someone to go to the toilet or put their shoes on. To be able to pick up my one small handbag and my car keys and just leave. It always takes about 45 minutes to get out the house. So yeah, just being able to leave the house and without screaming so loudly that I wet myself.
And the best thing? Well I find motherhood can be incredibly frustrating at times (see previous point bout trying to leave the house) but it is very rewarding. I look at these little people that my husband and I made and think ‘WOW’ I can’t believe we made them. My youngest is in year one and she now comes home and reads to me. I can’t believe she was a little baby and now she can read! I just find everything that they do is miraculous. Human life is so fragile and once you’ve had miscarriages you realise this even more. Seeing your baby grow up and thrive in the world is incredible - everything they do is miraculous. However, I do sometimes wish those little miracles would do what I ask them first time, rather than after twenty times.
How do you cope when the pressures of parenting get you down?
One of the biggest things I struggled with was the loss of identity. You put so much of yourself into your children that you can forget who you were and what you used to enjoy - it’s like you’ve sacrificed yourself for your children. For me, when I’m feeling a bit bogged down I try to do something for myself. I actually use my work as my biggest escapism. Writing is really cathartic so when I’m feeling a bit stressed, I try and turn that scenario into something funny. And I guess that’s a big part of the book, If you didn’t laugh about some of the things that have happened as a parent then you would definitely cry. If I’m in a stressful situation I try to take myself out it and think ‘if this wasn’t happening to me, this would be funny’. And that’s essentially the stance I take across a lot of my content. So whenever I feel stressed I know that eventually I might actually find the situation quite amusing.
What is next for you?
I’m back writing again. I’m currently about half way through my debut comedy fiction novel, which I’m so excited about as this has been a dream of mine for such a long time. It’s very different to the non-fiction in so many ways. I can be so much more creative and let my imagination go crazy. I have so many brilliant characters that are doing things that I would never normally do or say, so i can live vicariously through these imaginary people. It’s going to be really fun, it’s centred around a group of mums that find themselves in a situation they wouldn’t normally and they go a bit wild. It might be a bit murdery and dark in places, but I still think the struggles and issues this group deal with will be things people can resonate with. The book will be hitting the shelves next spring, but I’m still also doing my video content and starting to think about a tour, so lots going on, but it’s all very exciting and I’m really looking forward to seeing what the future might hold!
MORE: Sophie McCartney (AKA Tired and Tested) discusses her addictive web series and new Funny Women Award
Tagged in Parenting Miscarriage