I started Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ) in late 2023 to manage anxiety. Nothing clears the mental chaos like having someone actively try to snap your arm. When a 100-kilo guy is making you tap by crossface, you quickly forget that time you accidentally congratulated a friend on getting chlamydia. Because, in your mind, testing positive sounded like a win.

Liv Arnold

Liv Arnold

BJJ not only saved my sanity but has also turned me into a sex-writing machine.

Now, when I’m not writing about people pinning each other to walls, I’m practicing pinning people to mats. If you've ever tangled yourself into a human pretzel on a jiu-jitsu mat, you might have realised there are surprising overlaps between rolling (sparring) and rolling in the sheets.

Here’s what BJJ has taught me and why my next romance novel (and sex life) is probably going to include a rear-naked choke.

  1. Getting Mount is an Accomplishment

In BJJ, ‘getting mount’ is a glorious achievement—you’re on top, chest-to-chest, fully in control. The same principle applies in the bedroom. Mount isn’t just a position; it’s a power move. Writing dominance into my romance novels has been a game-changer: “He mounted her like a competitor at the finals of Worlds.” Yes, my editor made me rewrite it.

As a writer, mount has given me a new appreciation for phrases like “power play” and “claiming the upper hand”. My smutty books now have a whole lot more…top energy.

In BJJ, getting mount means you’ve secured the top position, pinning your opponent beneath you. In the bedroom, well...

       2.  I Now Sweat for More Reasons Than One

Nothing could’ve prepared me for the moment I rolled with a guy I found insanely attractive. BJJ forces you into close quarters with your training partners—sitting on heads, getting top-heavy, or choking someone out with your legs. So, there I was, flustered beyond belief, deciding whether to focus on escaping or that him taking my back felt…unnecessarily distracting. My heart wasn’t pounding from the cardio—it was from the sheer proximity of his arm muscles, kind eyes, nice smile, sharp jawline, tattoo details, and so on.

I channelled every flustered moment into my books. In BJJ, you’re either controlling your opponent or being controlled. The same goes for the bedroom. Sometimes you’re the one dominating the pace. Other times, you let yourself get submitted.

Final Tap-Out 

So, whether you’re grappling or, you know, ‘grappling’, remember this: respect and technique go a long way. Communication is king. Sometimes, a little pressure can be a good thing.

And no, the BJJ belt system does not translate to bedroom skills. Sorry, black belts.

Liv Arnold is a critically acclaimed author and internationally renowned sex advice expert who has featured on the covers of Playboy, FHM, and Grazia, among many others. Her books have garnered widespread acclaim from the media and from a string of New York Times bestselling authors.


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