Do you feel guilty too often?
It starts when we are young- drinking before we should, eating the wrong foods, lying to our parents- guilt is something we acquire early on to ensure we have a moral compass but it can be taken to the excess and it seems that women are in their later years.
According to Cosmopolitan, 96% of women feel guilty at least once a day.
With all the possibilities in a day, both professional, and personal something has to take a back seat and this makes us feel guilty that we have not achieved everything we could with the 24 hour time slot. This constant feeling of disappointment becomes internalised and we believe that its entirely our fault.
There is a continuous inner voice asking if we are making the right decisions with our lives and questioning those we have already made.
Being a woman today is harder than ever, not only is there pressure to be beautiful, be a good partner, successful in our job, as well as fulfilling traditional roles, there is little room to figure out what is most important from them all and how much of our lives should be taken up by each. Sometimes we get it wrong and consequently we look close to home when placing blame.
It is much easier to be negative about our life and focus on the things we haven’t done rather than those that we have. Let’s forget that we might not have got a promotion at work- but remember that we are still employed and earning and yes we may not have paid off our debts but our current employment is helping us move closer to that goal every month that we get a pay check.
There is always the feeling that being a little bit selfish is a bad thing, when in fact its ok to think of ourselves and our needs once in a while.
Your friends can be part of the problem- if their issue in somehow relates to yours, you might feel the guilt along with them. Then you are both making the situation a whole lot worse. Are they have ing relationship problems? Perhaps you are too- and then you both share the same attitude that relationship suck and you want to be single for a while. Negativity can be infections among those you trust.
Social media also plays a significant role as there is a perception of what it means to be successful in all areas of your life, despite the comparison being an edited one. The perfect body, the most engaging careers and ideal amounts of time to be exercising. The ‘Guilt free’ recipes and‘guilt free’ snacks- we are predisposed to look for a ‘guilt free’ life in whatever means necessary.
So what happens next? We give ourselves unachievable aspirations- your school friend has lost a load of weight and suddenly you feel guilty that you have not shed your excess pounds yet.
Guilt can be separated into two driftnet types- one is healthy and one is not. Remorse is when we feel regretful of something we have said or done and learn from that experience never to do it again or to do it differently.
Shame is the least healthy form of the emotion because it means you focus on past experiences too much and punish yourself for them over and over again.
Top tips for riffing yourself of guilt:
Find good in the bad
Laugh things off rather than dwelling on then- everyone has a bad day and everyone feels embarrassed about something at one time or another- laughter is the best medicine to heal old and new wounds.
Where did it come from?
Guilt can be a bi-product of another emotion- so try to find the real cause of it to help you navigate out of it.
Everyone makes mistakes
The most important thing is that you take the experience and turn it into a positive- no one goes through life guilt free. Like an appraisal at work- stay as you are and get pulled up on it the year after or make changes and get glowing feedback.
Divert your attention
A lot of low moods come from focusing on the negative the entire time- try and lift yourself out of this habit and make a list of the positives. If you have just lost your job- try to think of it as a blessing in disguise for it could open new and better doors.
So what do you think? Is guilt a good thing or do you feel that we are made to live a 'guilt free' existence because of the media and each other?
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