Trusting each other- If you don't have trust- you have nothing. End of.
Weddings on Female First
Same sense of humour- If his is like Family Guy and yours is more The Good Life you may have problems.
Always being honest with each other- Lies always come out- suck it up and just tell the truth!
Remember birthdays and anniversaries- None of this passing off hugs as gifts. A card is the minimum.
Accepting each other's faults- He likes to fart unashamedly and you cry at nothing when the moon's full- s**t happens.
Compromising- Don't be a stubborn ass!
Saying 'I love you' regularly- And not in the way you 'love' barbecue sauce.
Knowing when to say sorry- No one is right all the time- unless you're female!
Being able to laugh at each other- Really it should be with but if you are secure enough you can say stuff like 'you look like hell' when each other is ill.
Having a similar outlook on life- It's no good if one of you wants to go on a pilgrimage for a year and the other would rather just pop to the shops.
Regular hugs/cuddles- Just don't grab our back fat like its Play Doh when you do.
Always kiss each other goodnight- On the lips- on the nipples- on the…wherever….
The occasional romantic gesture- This does not include being given the opportunity to tweeze ingrown hairs from your chin.
Considering your partner to be your best friend- Move over school and college acquaintances- we may not have been around as long as you but we take first place now.
Always kiss each other goodbye in the mornings- Even though one of you always has morning breath- push past it and pucker up.
Having some shared hobbies and interests- Back scratching! Now take off your shirt.
Always talk about a problem rather than bottling it up- If the lid comes off we want it to be from our soda bottles not our relationship.
Ask each other about their day- Even if the reply is always 'the usual bag of s**t.'
Regular sex- From romantic, to quickies or anger bangs- find a way to channel your moods through sex!
Having some different hobbies and interests- While he masturbates to porn downstairs you need to find something to drown out the slapping noises.
Knowing when to give each other some space- As soon as we say 'we're fine'- leave the house and don't come back for several hours.
Never going to sleep on an argument- Because he always drops right off while we are left next to him steaming.
Regular holidays/mini breaks- Because a free weekend at home means we make decorating plans we can't afford.
Having similar aims and ambitions- Kids and marriage are essential agreement terms or you might come unstuck.
Having the odd argument or disagreement- Just enough to make you realise that addressing things as they happen is a much better idea.
Continuing to make an effort to look nice for your partner- Don't end up like Wayne and Waynetta. *Contains swearing*
Getting on with each other's family- 'Us' and 'them' makes for hard work.
Setting aside quality time for each other- And that doesn't include taking a poo while we're in the shower.
Holding hands when you are out and about- Or you just look like each other's wing man and woman.
Regularly complimenting each other- Which should extend beyond- 'wow- you've showered before 11am at on a Saturday'.
Having your own friends as well as mutual friends- Don't get sucked into their world entirely- you have your own lot of dysfunctional mates to think about.
Two TVs in the house- For when the football and Grey's Anatomy clash- bad times.
Getting on with each other's friends- You may not choose them for your own- but have a drink and knuckle down- time keeps on moving forward.
Each having a car- So when you want to drive off dramatically in the huff you can do so in your own property.
Still shaving/grooming- Beards hurt *down there* and hairy legs have about the same effect on a man's penis as beer- keep it tidy people.
Separate bank accounts- We may share payment of EVERYTHING but for personal treats like vibrators- it's nice to have our own money rather than justifying the spend on the joint account statement.
Having regular nights out with friends, without your partner- We need to be able to moan about you to someone!
Surprise gifts/presents- And please not your newly trimmed balls….
Not being friends with ANY ex-partners on Facebook- If you want sex ever again then this goes unsaid.
A rota to divide up the household chores- We'll bleach up the house till your eyes water- you can question your masculinity and get on with the ironing.
Regular date nights- If we're in- food, tv and sex, if we're out- food, crap chat then sex.
Two bathrooms/toilets- Because no couple should ever have to share when you both have tummy bugs.
Not having one person hogging the remote control- Share- just like who goes on top- this must be a fair game.
Similar working hours- 'Ships that pass in the night' is not something couples ever want to have to say.
Knowing each other's passcode for their phone- So we can use yours when we can't be bothered to go upstairs and get our charger.
A secret stash of cash they know nothing about- The rainy day fund that gets cracked open long before its hit the top.
Keeping some things private (not going to the toilet in front of each other etc)- We know that one day one of your farts will follow through but until then we don't need to see as well as smell it.
A night or two a week where neither of you use computers/laptops/phones- Put the gadget down and get up those stairs!
How to Seduce Your Wife- out now!