Can a vegan date a non-vegan? As someone who's a vegan and married to a meat eater, I would have to say 'yes!' It doesn't come without its challenges, but it's entirely possible- with that said- that's just our experience.
I say yes!
I understand that there are some couples, like us, who get on with this difference just fine; however for others it can be a deal breaker.
I was a meat eater when I met my partner, so there was a period of adjustment when I decided not to eat animals anymore. Once he accepted that this wasn't just a phase and that I was serious about the change, he was very supportive.
He checks labels in the supermarket if he's picking something up without me; he asks me before booking meals and also reports my dietary preferences when we go away anywhere. I understand that I'm very lucky to have someone who's willing to let me be me. I'm sure it's not the same for everyone.
Similarly, I don't judge him for still eating meat. There was a moment where he thought I might try and convert him- that was never and still isn't my intention. Once we got past this initial barrier, we were able to move on and live and eat in harmony.
In my opinion- it's each to their own. I don't mind preparing animal products for him, I admittedly wear plastic gloves when I'm cutting up chicken now and the smell isn't as appealing as it once was but that's it.
Meal times can be tricky as we eat two separate meals now every night; however we try to eat them together so we're still sharing the experience.
So my advice for other couples who are going through something similar?
To the meat eaters…
Don't presume anything- Just because your partner is opting for a plant based lifestyle doesn't mean they expect you to go along with it. They simply want you to respect their choices and accept that you are different when it comes to your food selections from now on.
Don't ask them when they're going back to eating meat- It's possible that it's a phase but it's equally as possible that it's going to stick- so let them decide which it is and don't try to encourage them to eat meat or ask when they're going to be done with this 'fad' because it might not be a craze to them.
Support them in front of family and friends- If your family and friends are all meat eaters they may bombard your partner with questions and make fun of them. Don't let them sit there and take it if they lack the confidence to defend themselves. It can feel very isolating if those closest don't show signs of support against critics.
Be considerate when you're going out for a meal- Let them check the menu out before booking anywhere and tell the restaurant that they will have a vegan dining with them at a specific date and time so the eatery is prepared.
Praise them for their choice- Even if it's not for you- veganism is a commitment- it can take time, planning and forethought when eating out, shopping for food and clothes and at home. It's important to note that they are passionate and dedicated to something, which is admirable- whatever it is.
Be prepared for potential changes around the home- It's likely that some of the things in the house might change once your partner makes the switch such as cleaning products or bedding. If you want to stick with a particular brand or product it might be wise to let your partner know, however if you don't have a preference- then they may ask you to try something different so keep and open mind.
Accept that there are some things they can't share with you- If it means a lot to them to eat out in a veggie place, to go to a vegan festival or to hang out with fellow plant based people- show your support of this. These are the things you might not want to get involved in, in which case encourage them to seek out like-minded people.
To the vegans…
Don't turn your nose up at your partner's plate- Enquire about their food and if they are enjoying it- that's all that matters even if it's not something they would choose. If you don't want to touch their food, why not make your respective meals in the kitchen together?
Don't lecture them- You will have your reasons for going veggie- but that doesn't mean every conversation has to be about cruelty to animals or how meat affects your body. If they ask about it- then share your thoughts and experiences but there's no need to get preachy. If they championed eating meat all the time- how would you react?
Don't try and convert them- They may become open to eating more plant based meals or they may not. That's their decision, as it's yours to go vegan. If they start to show an interest then that's fine because it's initiated by them but don't pressure them into anything. If the shoe was on the other foot and they were trying to make you eat meat- how would you feel?
If you don't want your money to be spent on animal products- Discuss your food shopping budget and how you're going to split the bill when you eat out. If it means going 50/50 this could be a way to minimise the uneasiness of paying for something you don't support.
If you want to make any changes in your home- Talk to your partner first. Anything from switching hand soap to cruelty free to swapping your pillows from duck feather to synthetic- it's best to run it past your partner- especially if you have joint money to spend on household items. If you can't afford it- could you save up for it instead?
Seek out others in the veggie community- You and your partner might have different hobbies that give you time and space away from each other. Veganism can be like a hobby in that you need to spend time with people who share the same passions as you do. Better to embrace it with someone who thinks along the same lines as you than force it on your partner if they're indifferent to the whole thing.