Tina Malone is back on TLC with her brand new show Tina Malone: My New Body. After losing almost 12 stone and becoming a mother at 50, Tina decided earlier this year to undergo a complete surgical makeover, reshaping her body completely and removing a stone of excess skin.
Tina Malone
Hoping to look in the mirror and like what she saw, Tina's transformation was more than just physical, with her pushing through five punishing procedures in five months.
We got the opportunity to chat to Tina about her new show, what her surgeries entailed and much more in a new and exclusive interview. Read on to find out what she had to say.
Can you tell us about each of the medical procedures you went through?
I can tell you exactly. The fourth of March was the first one, which was the arms. To be honest with you, it was originally supposed to be in January and it was supposed to be my face, the first one, but when they did the nicotine test on me the surgeon refused, because I had been smoking throwaway cigarettes. Well, actually, I'd had two in four months and he just was like, 'No, I'm not doing a facelift with somebody who smokes'. I was devastated.
So anyway, fourth of March we did the arms which were like a cape. People talk about bingo wings, these were horrific, I'd have taken off, I was like a bat.
Then we did on Wednesday 29 April, six or seven weeks later the stomach, which wasn't your average tummy tuck, because obviously I was enormous, it's called the Fleur de Lys. I'll give you an example, the surgeon who did it does kind of like, 1500 boobies a year, and does probably eight of these. It's usually for people who have gone like I had, from a size 28 to an eight, so they cut you from the breastbone right the way down and right the way across. It's called the Fleur de Lys because it's almost a flower shape that he pulls out, which is just amazing. I love watching it back. Everyone nearly vomits in my house but I love it!
Then on Wednesday 27 June I had the boobs done, and you know what? The boobs were the one I wasn't really arsed about. My husband's not a boob man, I mean my gay friends are more interested in my tits. My husband's kind of a bum and leg man, I kind of always think a man who's looking for your tits is looking for his mum anyway.
So I had, quite seriously Daniel, the longest tits you've ever seen in your life. You know the way people say, 'I've got tits like Spaniel's ears', even the surgeon laughed when I got them out. They dropped to the floor, we're not talking down to your waist. He actually said there's no breast tissue, they were like golf balls in socks. Like long pieces of skin with a nipple on the end. Even though I wasn't bothered they look incredible. I keep playing with them. I keep walking round, my mum went, 'Will you put them away?' and I'm like, 'Oh I love them!'.
And then the facelift, finally, the one that everybody sees immediately was on Wednesday 5 August, so yeah, it's been difficult. It's been, only I would take on doing something like this in this amount of time, crazily, stupidly. But do you know what? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I'm very much somebody who believes, I'm very tenacious, I'm very driven Daniel. My husband and my mother, who's very beautiful, more like Grace Kelly, 76-years of age and eight stone, she was quite horrified. Mind you saying that she was horrified I was gonna go for the IVF and now she is besotted! They're just worried about me under the knife, it got to the point where every operation I'd walk into the theatre, and Paul (Chase, her husband) would be head down, going green, and I'd be like, 'dead man walking! Can you cheer up a bit please love? Because you're putting a downer on me!'
So yeah, it's all good. I'm ecstatic with the results.
The surgeries must have been very gruelling in such a short time frame, what were your recovery periods like?
Well, I have a little trick you see, my surgeons are very much like, 'oh my God, you recover like you wouldn't believe'. So my little trick is I eat spinach every day. I had the gastric band in 2010 and I lost in 16 months 11 stone 4 pounds, but I am very much, I'm very robust. I do think Daniel, I've been quite obnoxious at times to my husband, I do believe mind over matter. People keep going to me, 'you're very brave', there's nothing brave about it, it's about vanity Daniel, or about finishing off the job. I'd been a fat ugly bird for 19 years, and lost all this weight and was left with this huge amount of skin, and it wasn't for my husband, he didn't care less, but he didn't need a JCB anymore to throw me round the bedroom, he doesn't care, he couldn't care less. We're not like that.
People say, 'He's 19 years younger than you, what are you gonna do when you're older?' He's just had to during all these operations wash me sores, wash me stitches, put the iodine on them with me crying and smacking him, and obviously washing me food from me bum and me hair! And the worse thing, I go, 'We've done the old God forbid I'm ever ill and off me cake' - not that you'd be bothered you wouldn't know would you - I always go to them [that ask about old age], 'Do you know what? You get off and you get married, you meet a nice woman,' but obviously I did all those things about increasing my insurance. My husband and my mother were like, 'oh my God I can't believe you're talking like this!', and I was like, 'Well, Paul do you wanna be left with five grand and your d**k in your hand if I'm left on the slab?'
So I've got a 34-year-old, Danielle who got married in Lake Garda two months ago, and I've got a 20-month-old Flame who I've gotta educate and I wanna do it well. You know when you're doing these operations, but you know what? You just have to take care, worse case scenario, you have to prepare. I don't want everyone stood around me coffin with a fag and a cup of tea going, 'God she was damn sure it was all gonna go so well'. But I knew, I'll be honest Daniel, I knew I'd get through this quicker than anyone.
The surgeons are really funny because they're on camera, 'Don't think that everybody is like this, she is magic! We don't know why!' But I have my little tricks, spinach and garlic, garlic every single day of my life and I think that gets you through Daniel. And I've been a big fatty for 19 years, I'm one of those, drinks and drugs and food and even cigarettes, life on the edge for me now, I'm about as crazy as a chai latte and Jeremy Kyle. That's the only lunacy I have! I could go to a party 20 years ago when I was a big fat drunk and I'd take anything you had. I'd go to a party in Glasgow and wake up three days later in Leeds. I'm very blessed to be alive and I'm very aware of that. My drug of choice wasn't an ecstasy tablet or a line of coke or even a brandy, but was always the food. The gastric band, I held my hands up, shoot me, it works for me. I can't moderate. I was pregnant at 17 and pregnant at 50. Everything I do, it's not contrived, I'm not one of those, I don't give two s**ts who does and doesn't like me. I stop and speak to everybody on the street. I appeal to the everyday woman and I appeal to the high brow women because I am incredibly intelligent, I'm an intellectual snob. But I'll stand and talk to Carol and Kerry at Tescos by me for hours showing them me boobs and me stomach, behind the counter.
But I'm very blessed. I'm aware. I have a very beautiful healthy daughter. I have a wonderful husband who's gorgeous, got the body to die for, if I'd have been him I wouldn't have married me Daniel!
Now I've come through all this surgery, you'll speak to a lot of people who have done reality, I'm an actor Daniel first and foremost. Five years in Brookie, 10 years in Shameless, National Theatre 10 months I've done everything. Films, period dramas, BBC, I've done everything. Whether you're a plumber or an electrician or a cake maker or an actor, that's what I do that's my job. I've done all this celebrity stuff the last four or five years because you have to. I've gotta pay the rent like everybody else and, fortunately I've been put with really nice people and I've had a really good time and become really good friends with the likes of Ulrika Jonsson and the likes of Imogen Thomas. So I'm very, very lucky.
I'm a woman's woman me Daniel, I like men and I've had enough of them to know, but I'm a woman's woman. I'm not one of those bitter, twisted fat birds who goes, 'Get rid of every younger, prettier girl in the room'. I'm not like that, never have been but that's because when people say 'I'm confident', and they're telling me they're confident, I'm like, 'God love you, you're a lying b**tard, you're fiercely overweight, you can dress it up how you want, but you're desperately insecure', and I know because I've been there. But I am my father's daughter me, I don't care, I never did at five, never did at 10.
I used to answer the door after school and everyone would go, 'Are you coming out?' and I'd go, 'No I'm staying in', and they'd go, 'Don't you wanna come out and come to the park?' and I'd be like, 'No it's cold out there and I can have a laugh with me Dad'. I was never a follower, I was always incredibly confident.
I had very low self-esteem during my 30s and 40s, not because of anything brought on by anyone other than, I always say read my book Tina Malone: Back In Control, it's three years old, people still ring me now, very close friends of mine who I've had for 25 years, only one rang me last week, an actress in London and she went, 'Oh my God, Tina, I didn't know you went through that at 18'. And I'm like, 'I don't wear what I went through like a tragedy, you pick yourself up and you get on with life', and I've had some dodgy garbage but hey-ho Daniel, could be worse. I could be living in Syria. People say, 'You're brave', no you're brave if you tie yourself to a tank to get into a country. That's brave, this isn't brave what I've done. It's part and parcel vanity, finishing off the job, I'd lost all that weight, it's kind of like getting a new frock, new shoes, getting your hair done and not putting your makeup on. Getting rid of the skin was that precisely.
I'm very positive, I think mind over matter and I've got my ideas for my next one, I'm thinking of doing marathons around the world. My husband near fell through the floor when I said that the other day. He near dropped his espresso. He went, 'What?', I went, 'I'm gonna start in March with the Women's 5K around Sefton Park in Liverpool'. He went, 'Don't f**king start Tina. Really do not start with one of these,' I went, 'Have I come out on top? I wanted a baby and I was pregnant in Cyprus in five days. UKCFA who got me pregnant, my surgeon in Cyprus was like, 'It probably won't work', and I was like, 'Oh, it will!', and I was pregnant in five days.
When I went to the hospital group and said, 'Thank you, you've saved my life with a gastric band, can you take my skin off?' They were like, 'Uh, um, yeah OK'. A friend of mine, very close friend of mine has paid for it all. They went, 'Hang on we've just got your plans. You're planning on doing them over seven months?', I went, 'Yeah that's changed a bit. I want to do them over six!'
But I've got to the stage where I'm very comfortable with myself and I'm very comfortable in my own skin, and when TLC said they'd like to film it, I went 'Listen, let's not dress this up', there's nothing contrived. You'll see more of me Daniel than you'll wanna see. I said 'People have to see exactly how it works. There's no point in showing women this is what you can do and isn't it all, I'm not Katie Price all pretty and dressed up with a swimming pool, you have to see how hard and difficult it's been at times'.
The most depressing thing's been not picking up my daughter, although I did on the sly. I was told 'No picking up for 10 days!', and Paul and me mother and my PA Anthony, they all turned their back and I'm like 'Go on Flame! Let's get Olly Murs on!' Can you believe my daughter's got her first crush? I go 'Do you want Olly Murs on?' and she goes 'No!' and I've gone to Paul, 'She's blushing!'. But yeah my 34-year-old Danielle, was quite shocked that I was doing it all, but hey ho, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Was it at all strange having the cameras around for such an intimate thing?
We live in a society now, 50% of people, 49% of people are overweight, a lot of them grossly and the problem is, we have debates on every single show. [David] Cameron the tosser thinks by spending £3 million on leaflets and handing them out to people saying, 'this is a cream cake and this is broccoli', please get a grip. Do you seriously think that the majority of the country are that thick? No, they're not. A lot of them are depressed. They live in dire poverty, they eat too much, drink too much and smoke too much, it's that simple. The difference between the haves and have nots is HUGE now, so people think, 'F**k it, I've got a s**t life anyway I'm having my ciggies and my cans of lager, and I'm gonna eat crap 'cause I'm gonna go home, I've got five or six kids, nobody's ever educated me, nobody's ever helped me', because we are, young people are the product of a lot of Thatcher's children, and we live in a country that's still paying for Thatcher and her regime, and I'm very, very vocal about that.
But you know what? I'm a woman's woman. I like women, whether you're in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, this show will appeal to you because there's nothing contrived and there's nothing rehearsed. What you see is what you get. I'm not everybody's cup of tea and that's fine, I don't f**king wanna be. I haven't got time for the people I like, let alone new people in my life. I didn't do it to keep my young husband or impress anybody or further my career.
My career's 28 years, five nominations for Best Actress Comedy Event and all that. I'm quite comfortable. Yeah I'd like to do The X Factor. I think I'd make Simon [Cowell] look like a Tellytubby. Yes I'd like to be in Roy Cropper's cafe with greasy hair from Bolton with a flask, and yes I'd like to be in Emmerdale or Hollyoaks, I love soaps. And yes I'd like to be in Strictly although they're never gonna ask me that, or the jungle even! Jesus Christ, but I don't think there's much chance of that either. I'm open and I'll discuss most things, but I am hugely fussy now. I'm very bitter, twisted and jaded. I can't be arsed going to spend three days in Bristol doing a drama for £1800, packing my bags and leaving my daughter, I'm just not interested.
So this kind of thing with TLC, they're a huge women's channel, particularly for women of all types and ages, I think it's very important to show people that this epidemic we have, you're letting people lose weight and the NHS aren't supporting them in letting them lose their skin. I'm blessed somebody paid for it for me, some people aren't so lucky are they? So to get rid of this epidemic which in 12 years is gonna destroy and bankrupt the NHS because of diabetes type 2 and because of amputees and everything that comes with being grossly, morbidly overweight.
Let's not forget Daniel, I wasn't a fatty, I was enormous! I was size 28 and that's a huge thing to deal with. I went from a size 28 to an 8. Not many people do that. I can't moderate, I needed a gastric band and that's just the way it is.
What advice do you have for people who may be in similar situations to the ones you've been through?
I just think, if you need help, whether it be a gastric band, a gastric sleeve... these things are wonderful like Slimming World, Weight Watchers and all these diets and God knows what else. But let's not shy away from the fact that losing weight's one thing, maintaining it is another, because if you are genetically predisposed to putting weight on or in some way you can't moderate, well then you need help, and nine times out of 10 you're gonna put the weight back on. A gastric band stops me doing that. As somebody recently said to me on TV, 'Don't you think it's a cop out?', and I went, 'No. Because you'll still be fat in 12 months and I'll be size 8 in two again.' That's just how I feel.
Saying you're OK with being fat, you're lying. It's like saying 'I'm OK with cancer'. You deal with it and you put up with it, but no, you need to sort it, it's not good for your health primarily.
I didn't do this for my husband or to further my career, I did it for me. I like walking round the bedroom naked now, it's fantastic! And you know, what you see in this documentary believe you me is astounding. People will go, 'Nobody, an actor or celeb has gone through this on camera and shown it', and I think it's important. People need to see.
How does it feel now to look back at old pictures of yourself and compare them to now?
Oh I can't stop playing with my tits because I had the longest tits in the world, I had a cape under my arms, my stomach and belly button are brand new and are phenomenal and my chin and my neck and my eyes are just unbelievable. Unbelievable, so yeah. People go, 'Oh you're gonna become obsessed with that now', because I was pregnant at 17 and pregnant at 50, I do everything, it's not contrived, that's just the way I am. But no, I'm over the whole surgery thing. Onwards and upwards and let's see what's next.
I know you're a Big Brother fan, what did you think of the recent Celebrity Big Brother series?
Yeah, I think Emma Willis and Rylan Clark are incredible because how they've not lost the plot I don't know. I love Natasha [Hamilton], I know Tash really well, she's a good girl. Obviously everyone in the world's jumping on that Farrah. I can't believe the girl with the swastikas and the bra was even in there. I just find that absolutely astonishing, and Sherrie Hewson's lovely.
I was laughing at this Chloe and Stevi. I'm in bed right now with Judi Dench and Robert Di Niro if that's real. Do they seriously, seriously, seriously think the general public are going, 'Ugh, they're real!' Oh please! Get a grip! Oh God. Some people will do anything won't they, stick a bottle up themselves in a garden or get engaged to someone that they wouldn't ordinarily talk to let alone sleep with for notoriety or infamy. It's the way of the world.
I've done this 'reality show' if you like with TLC like I did with the IVF at 50 because it's important that people know. People still come up to me from London to Liverpool and whisper, 'we had IVF', and I go 'Yeah, it's not syphilis', it's really not. It's just bizarre, bizarre! My friend who's just done my hair, I've had my hair done, major new overhaul, different colour, extensions and everything, first time in two years, him and his partner have a little boy. They are 'Pops' and 'Daddy' and we took him to school this morning before he did my hair in his big salon in Liverpool, he does everyone.
He was just saying only this morning, we've been friends for years, he said what you've done for couples like me and Matt who have a healthy five-year-old boy and have adopted him, they've had him since he was about 12 months for various reasons which I won't go into but I would kill somebody for. Anyway, they are very blessed and they are incredible parents. It doesn't matter whether you're two men, two women, old or young, if you're a good parent, you're a f**king good parent, as long as you love, cherish, give them boundaries, give them confidence, that's all you can do and that's what's important.
In that way your shows are also there to break down the stigma regarding these issues?
Well yeah, because, I just don't get this... we're the only country in the whole of Europe, I actually know girls who do go 'yeah I'm gonna have another baby to get another house'. 25 with five kids and we're the only country that lets them get away with it. But you could go on, 'We're the only country in Europe that has heart disease', you look at the rest of Europe, they all drink copious amounts of red wine, they all smoke heavily, and why are they all fit? No heart disease? Because they eat olive oil and olives, and fresh bread, and fresh ham, none of this processed garbage we buy.
If you look at Jamie Oliver, I think he's incredible with what he's done for the nation. People go, 'Oh we can't afford it!', oh God, get a grip. We say we've got no time. We need to go back and think about it. 30 years on there was one fat kid in the class, 30 years on you're lucky if there's one skinny one.
Finally, what's next for you then?
I wanna be the British Oprah Winfrey. I think I should have my own chat show. I'd ask the questions people don't ask. I've been approached in the past by certain channels a couple of time but I've never liked the format. I don't wanna make a show of myself. I wanna talk to Cheryl Cole and Michael Portillo, I wanna get Alan Sugar on and Richard Branson and Roy Cropper, I wanna diversify. I'm a loud, brassy, gobby scouse bird with a brain. Well-read, well-travelled so I think I'm a little bit of a shock for people.
I appeal to the common woman and the intellectual woman, and I'm a woman's woman, and TLC is a woman's channel essentially. Although strangely enough I have a lot of men and I don't mean all gay men, big brusque bouncers going, 'saw you in that IVF! My bird's going on now! Wants another kid!'
So there you go. Who knows? I'd like to do Corrie, I'd like to do Hollyoaks, I'd like to do Emmerdale. I'd love to do all those shows. Roy Cropper's new bird in an anorak, greasy hair. Eric Pollard's new wanton woman, posh. Or Hollyoaks, cause murder with Gillian Taylforth.
I'm still ambitious, Downton's going so I'm never gonna do that am I? Gutted. I know Michelle [Dockery] who plays Lady Mary, I worked with her many years ago. She stopped me only a few months ago and she goes, 'Thank you so much, you looked after me on the first film I ever did', I went, 'I didn't think you'd remember me', she went, 'Oh my God, yeah you've never changed'.
so I am old, bitter, twisted, jaded. I'm producing a feature in Liverpool called Damaged Goods. I'm producing it and I'm in it, written by a girl called Kerry Williams, we've been two years in the pre-production. Funnily enough I've had a lot of issues, from cancer to Catholicism. Essentially it's a love story, and yeah, bring a couple of Oscars to my settee and then who knows? Maybe I will get my own show but in a really good format. We'll see.
Tina Malone: My New Body is on TLC, Thursday 1st October at 10pm
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