Let's face it - Kim and Rachel aren't exactly made for each other. She's a high-falutin' doctor with spike heels and more qualifications than a university. Kim's job, meanwhile, is to stand around wearing vests while looking gormless. So why wouldn't Rachel want to get it together with a colleague for whom the description "dishy" was surely invented? Who knows? However, she tells Hugh that she just doesn't feel the same. "You're my best friend, and I love you, but there's nothing more to it", she lies. Hugh doesn't believe her, and nor do we. Anyway, Martha is on hand to help Hugh through his heartbreak - and we don't mean in a Naomi Preston kind of way. But you can be sure that Rachel will get a jealous cob on about their newfound closeness. Hold the front pageAnd the award for Person Most Unlikely to Become a Journalist goes to... Colleen Smart. Yep. The same woman who doesn't know the difference between Bali and a balti, and probably thinks that a comma is something that happens to people after a nasty car crash.Even the novel that she "wrote" actually came from the pen of a pretentious (and thankfully axed) eleven-year-old. So slap your foreheads along with the rest of us when Colleen enters an essay into a competition to become the local newspaper's new history columnist. Unfortunately for her, though, the winner is the perma-invisible Madge Wilkins.

"She didn't even have the decency to turn up to the presentation", moans a disappointed Colleen. But when Alf discovers that Madge's entry was wildly inaccurate, Colleen wins by default. The newspaper editor's face is an absolute picture.

School daze

Jack's back in town and his eyes are slightly closer together than usual. This means that he's in Protective Big Brother Mode and has an insatiable urge to put Naomi in her place.

"You don't have any idea what you've done, have you?" he snipes, before telling her to ship out of Summer Bay. "This is my career we're talking about", she parps. "I can't just up and leave town." This won't wash with Jack, though. "You slept with my little brother, and then my father", he reminds her, possibly with a touch of hope in his voice. Later that day, Naomi decides to do as she's told and hand in her notice.

However, just as she's about to resign, Brad offers her a full-time teaching position - and she accepts. When Jack catches wind of the news, steam comes out of his ears. There's only one thing he can do - and that's dish the dirt on Naomi to her bosses. Is her career over before its begun?

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