Sally and Alf can't believe that Martha didn't open up to them about her pregnancy and subsequent abortion, but we certainly can. After all, it must be bad enough having two million viewers gawping at your inner torment without having those two stickybeaks clinging to your twig and giving you endless cups of tea and guilt trips. "I wish we could have helped her", sighs Saint Sally, who we dearly hope isn't talking about gin and hot baths. Somebody else who really shouldn't be quite so involved is Jack - at least in his girlfriend's eyes. He readily gives up a morning of snuggly lying-in when Alf phones to say that Martha didn't come home the night before. Where could she be? Well, down at the beach lies one of Martha's discarded shoes. But she hasn't been buried alive like we were all hoping fearing; she's lying a few yards away clutching an empty whiskey bottle. Jack bundles her back to his place, where she promptly dashes to the loo and hurls up the excesses of the night before. Afterwards, Jack reminds her that she doesn't have to go through her stresses alone. "You've got your family, you've got your friends", he says. "You've got me. I'll always be here for you." In her vulnerable state, Martha takes this as her cue to lean in and kiss him smack bang on the lips - just as Sam walks back in to clock an eyeful of it. How disgusting! Especially as Martha probably didn't clean her teeth after puking. Urgh. Life behind bars

Maximum security prison, then. It's not exactly Camp Cupcake, as Ric's experiences in today's episode go to show. After being roughed up by his nemesis, Johnny, Ric is faced with a tough decision. Should he break the prisoners' unspoken don't-dob policy and help Guard Jones to bring Johnny down? Well, as he wants to get out of the place alive, he declines to get involved. However, it's not like he could get any more unpopular. At lunch, Ric is angered to find a shard of glass in his meal - and, later that day, he's stunned when he gets busted for a massive stash of drugs under his mattress. He's been set up, of course, and we'll give you three guesses as to who did it. (The first two don't count.) But the big revelation comes when we discover that Guard Jones is in on Johnny's little game too. With both officers and his fellow convicts against him, Ric is well and truly up the creek without a paddle. The ex factor

So what about Jack and Martha having a tongues-up, eh? We bet you didn't see that one coming. (OK, so you did.) But sarcasm aside, Sam was certainly surprised - and Jack has a lot of explaining to do. "If Martha came to you," Sam asks, "and said she wanted to give it another go... " Then what, Jack? "We're just friends", he replies. "Nothing more. You don't have anything to worry about." Sam smiles and accepts his words by giving him a kiss. Meanwhile, Martha is wandering down the beach when she hears the unmistakably spine-straightening sound of a crying baby. She spots an abandoned pram in the distance and edges towards it only to discover that it's empty. It's a clumsy analogy, maybe, but it's a horrible nightmare - and onw that Martha is glad to wake from. It seems as though she'll be dealing with this one for a while yet.

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