Right. We've got a lot to get through this afternoon, dear reader, so we'd appreciate your undivided attention. Cheers. It's the "finale" of Home and Away's 19th "season", you see, so there are plenty of threads to tie together as well as some brand new knots to unravel. And, as we're not getting paid by the word, we're going to summarise a few bits and pieces first of all. Thanks to Sam, Jack is out of his wheelchair and managing to take a few tentative steps around the diner using some special apparatus. Meanwhile, Mad Mandy invites Dan and Leah around for a Christmas cup of advocaat, but they wrinkle their noses. In other news, Martha is thrilled when Ash gives her a spangly pair of earrings before he heads home to see his folks. Yes, they probably came from the pawn shop, but it's better than a black eye. And speaking of domestic violence, everybody gathers at Amanda's place to say farewell to Macca and Cassie before they head to the city. However, two people who aren't present are Kim and Rachel, who are lounging on the sofa moping about losing baby Joe. Kim encourages Rach to give her hair a brush and accompany him to the Christmas pageant; he throws in the offer of a romantic dinner too. Rachel cracks a smile for the first time this week. It's performance time. Colleen, who is dressed as the mushroom from Super Mario, is in a flap. As the audience reluctantly take their seats, Colleen hobbles onto the stage and dishes out a heartfelt spiel. Although she knows that nobody wants to be there, she thinks they need it. Let's face it, this year has been awful - but the fact that they've all managed to pull through it is worth celebrating. "So please," she screeches, "don't think of this as another thorn in your side, rather as a little reward for all of us." Well, they would, if the whole thing didn't turn out to be a shambles from start to finish. Alfs Santa costume rips; Lance has been inexplicably cast as a wise man; Irenes halo slips (not for the first time, eh?); and Brad, in his false beard, looks like Johnny and we had to do a comedy double-take. The most convincing thing about the whole sorry affair is Belle and Drew's kiss at the end. Meanwhile, Ash approaches a house and pops on a wedding ring before wandering in. Two kids come running towards him, screaming "Daddy!". A woman looks on longingly. Yep, he's been lying to Martha all along - and the worst bit is that he's called his son Declan. And if that wasn't enough for you lot, picture Kim's face when he answers the door to a heavily pregnant Kit. Remember that tumble they had in the bush? Well, it's come back to haunt him...OK, OK, so you're probably going to want us to finish on a note of joy. Let's see what we can do. During the last five minutes of the show, Brad and Sally kiss; Ric and Matilda do the same; Amanda and Peter welcome Dan and Leah in for that drink after all; and Tony, Beth, Jack, Sam and Rory enjoy some time together as Jack and Martha give each other the eye. We cut to Ash leading a completely double life; then to Rachel smiling to herself, completely oblivious to the fact that her husband's ex is about to bring her back down to earth with a bump. So much for joy, then. Sorry about that. And it's about to get worse, too, as we later see Sally heading towards her car. Suddenly, she hears footsteps and comes across a teary-eyed Rocco. "I don't want to do this," he snivels, "but he's not giving me any choice." Sally moves to comfort him - before gasping in pain and slumping to the ground. Rocco drops the bloodied knife that he just plunged into her stomach before running as quickly as he can into the night. Yeah, we know! And at Christmas too. He might as well have stabbed the Angel Gabriel. Tsk. Boo!
Tagged in Home And Away