Roxanne Pallett didn't want to live

3 February 2019

Roxanne Pallett "didn't want to be here anymore" following her controversial appearance on 'Celebrity Big Brother' last year.

Roxanne Pallett

The former 'Emmerdale' actress accused housemate Ryan Thomas of hitting her but admitted she'd made a "horrible mistake" after leaving the show, and the subsequent backlash saw her sink so low, she considered taking her own life and even wrote farewell notes to her loved ones.

She said: "My mum noticed I was losing weight and saw I was losing my hair. And my two friends, the only friends I had left, mentioned how erratic my texts were becoming. They all stepped in..

"The lead up to Christmas was tough.

"[In October] I asked God to help me. I thought: everyone hates me so why am I here. I just couldn't get through a day, I had nothing and I had no-one and it was all because I'd let things get out of hand. I'd ignored the signs that I needed help because i felt too proud. I only have myself to blame for that.

"You feel like you can never say sorry enough to every single person that hates you and I felt like there was no point in even trying anymore as the perception had become so bad. I just thought, I'm done. I'm not going to make it to Christmas.

"I sent a message to my mum, my auntie and my two friends. I was saying sorry and goodbye. They all panicked, called each other and my mum left work to rush and get to me."

Roxanne's loved ones intervened and sent her for "urgent help" and she has undergone therapy after being diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) stemming from issues in her past including an abusive relationship and the suicide of a friend.

She added: "That was when they all realised I needed urgent help. I went to Scotland the next morning and began EMDR and CBT therapy for PTSD and panic disorder."

The 36-year-old actress - who didn't leave the house for weeks because of the abuse she received in the street - admitted she "lost everything" following the scandal but she doesn't want people to feel sorry for her.

She told The Sun Online: "Yes I've lost everything, and I lost myself.

"I've lost my career, my radio jobs, my life as I knew it, everything. I've only got my mum, my auntie and two friends now who I trust implicitly.

"Sometimes it takes losing everything to see who stays around for you during your worst days and not just the best days. I'm grateful for those people but I did hit rock bottom.

"But I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for me, because it's my fault, 100%. I take full responsibility. But like everyone who makes a mistake I just want to be allowed to learn from it and move forward because nobody can punish me more than me."