Ruby Wax went on a silent retreat to "find meaning" in life.
Ruby Wax went on a 30-day silent retreat
The 70-year-old TV star realised during the COVID-19 lockdowns that she wanted to "find meaning" for herself and went on a series of journeys, one of which included entering a silent retreat for 30 days and coming out of it a different person to when she went in.
Speaking on ITV's 'Lorraine', she told stand-in host Ranvir Singh: "With nothing to do, you had time to face yourself because you had nobody to talk to so I thought 'Come on, let's change how you live your life, Ruby. Let's move it a gear up, let's find meaning!'
"I didn't know how to do that. I'd go on these epic journeys to give me some ideas. Some of those were a 30-day silent retreat, I worked in a refugee camp, I lived in a Christian monastery. There were other ones. I went swimming with humpback whales. It's kind of life-changing stuff. Kind of life-changing things if you pay attention but I kept gazumping it.
"You don't go on a 30-day retreat and come out the same way you went in because you've got no telephone and you've got no distractions so your mind eventually just puts up a white flag of surrender and goes 'Okay!' You can taste food for the first time and you can watch an ant going up and down a leaf without getting bored. And you think 'I'm really a fabulous person!'"
However, the fomer 'Girls on Top' actress went on to add that she very quicky found herself back on the usual treadmill of life upon leaving the retreat and ended up with another bout of depression.
She added: "But when I came out I did an ad for potato crisps within 24 hours and went straight back to my routine. There is no quick fix. We've been us for our whole lives, so it's hard to break. You go back to your triggers, it's like being an addict in a way. Everybody starts to perk you up, you start to jerk your face into that smile you used to do and you weren't that at all once you had these experience. I thought I was with my people, but then I went back and everybody treated me a certain way. After some of those journeys, I wasn't expecting this one, I hadn't had depression in 12 years and I ended up in a mental institution!"
Ruby was inspired to write 'I'm Not As Well As I Thought I Was' as a result of her experiences and has now turned the book into a play, which she is touring across the UK from September until November.
She added: "I wrote the book from a mental institution, well not when you sit, you can't even move your right arm let alone know where it is. But it was May 11. And I got a really good therapist, she did a therapy. And in the play, I use the real therapist's voice. "
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