Nicola McLean says she's "been through every emotion possible" during her separation from husband Tom Williams.
The reality TV star has been on an emotional rollercoaster over the last six months, which has seen the collapse of her 11-year marriage to the 34-year-old footballer, who was unfaithful to her and who she claims became emotionally abusive to her.
However, Nicola insists she's stronger for the experience, telling the new issue of Now magazine: "I've gone through every emotion possible in the last six months, but now I feel strong. No bad feelings, no anger."
She added: "My life's so much better now. I've never been treated so badly, emotionally and mentally. He's dead to me now.
"I don't even answer his messages now unless it's about the children."
Nicola - who has sons Rocky, eight, and Striker, four, with Tom - also revealed she contacted the girl that Tom cheated on her with during business trips to Las Vegas.
She said: "I suspected something was up because he'd been acting horribly towards me for no reason. One day he got home at 6am - I then checked his phone and found a photo of the two of them.
"She was like a downgraded version of me - blonde with big boobs. I found out her name and where she worked, phoned her and said, 'It's Nicola McLean, you shagged my husband Tom Williams in Vegas.' She admitted it and hung up."
Nicola, 32, also admits she had suicidal thoughts as her marriage crumbled but it was her love for her children that pulled her through.
She said: "My mind was very erratic. The thought of not being with Tom terrified me so much that I would rather have been dead. I've dedicated my life to Tom and all I wanted was for him to love me.
"I'd Google how many pills I'd need to take to kill myself, then I'd think, 'You've got the best boys in the world - you can't leave these kids.' "
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