Joe Tracini used to "convince himself" he was going to die before he was 25.
Joe Tracini
The former 'Hollyoaks' actor celebrated his 32nd birthday on Sunday (19.07.20), and he took to Twitter to recall an incident on his 24th birthday when he bought drugs and afterwards soiled himself during a shopping trip to Waitrose to buy wafer thin ham.
Joe - who has been open in the past about experiencing suicidal thoughts, and previously being addicted to drugs - wrote on Twitter: "Today's my birthday, and it's the best one I've ever had, so I'd like to tell you about the worst.
"It's funnier now than it was at the time."
Speaking in a video, the former Dennis Savage star said: "For me every day is a celebration of being not dead again but today I get a badge.
"When I was 24 I was a massive drug addict and I lived on a diet exclusively of drugs, wafer thin ham and drugs.
"On my 24th birthday I went to get drugs and then to Waitrose to get the wafer thin ham, and while I was in there I farted and fully s*** myself, not just a bit, full poo in pant.
"And I just stood there and I thought, 'This is it, you're going to die, you're literally dying inside,' and I was convinced on that day I would be dead before my 25th birthday.
"My point is that things change, not necessarily always for the better, but I was convinced I was going to die before I was 25.
"Today I am 32, I am not dead, I am eight years clean and I am not covered in my own s***."
Joe recently pleaded with anyone suffering from suicidal thoughts not to take their own life, after he had a "louder than usual" experience.
Speaking last month, he said: "I don't like queuing to buy bread.
"It's not on my list of comfortable things to do.
"Last week, I went to a different shop for the first time, that sold different things.
"That small amount of change on that day made me think I needed to kill myself.
"This wasn't my normal day-to-day today living with suicidal thoughts.
"This was an instruction."