Danny Dyer has joked his pet pooch is like his "illegitimate child", and he has to chase her around the garden wiping her bum.
Danny Dyer as Mick Carter
The 'EastEnders' actor has been forced to fork out for some dog derriere wipes because his four-legged friend Debbie "can't reach" to clear up her business, so he has to mop up his mutt's mess for her.
He said: "A dog will do anything for half a Bourbon [biscuit].
"I've got a dog with two names. Gypsy was the original name, but I don't like that, it's not for me. I've called her Debbie now, she's more of a Debbie.
"Debbie the dog is an incredible little thing. But it's very hard work I've noticed. I've also got a wife that hates animals.
"It's like my illegitimate child. It's like I've brought a child in from another marriage that's hairy and doesn't talk.
"The thing is - they can't reach round and lick their own a***.
"She can't reach, so unfortunately for me I have to buy some dog wipes. So I have been known to chase her around the garden trying to get that last little bit of s*** off her a***.
"But this is all part of being a dog owner."
And while he has to pander to all his canine's needs, he doesn't think he would be in the same situation if he owned a cat instead - because he believes felines meditate and he likes it when they head off for three days at a time.
Speaking on podcast 'Sorted with the Dyers', Danny - who plays Mick Carter on 'EastEnders' - added: "I like the idea they f*** off on a bender for three days.
"You've got to graft for their attention and love. If you think about it that's incredible. You've brought an animal in and it completely relies on you for everything.
"You love it, give it warmth, you feed it, and then they've got the audacity to just f*** off.
"Black cats are quite spiritual animals, and I've learnt something about cats - they meditate.
"When you see a cat just sitting there doing that thing with its claws on the floor and they close their eyes slightly and purr. While they're purring, they're meditating.
"I think I read it somewhere. But they do, they go into this calm sense of freedom within their own brains.
"So cats are quite an enigma."
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