'Benidorm' actress Crissy Rock bravely opened up about the physical abuse she suffered at the hands of her grandfather as a child - and remarkably admitted she forgives him for his abhorrent actions.
Crissy Rock
The 60-year-old comedian appeared on 'Loose Women' on Monday (24.06.19) to talk about the devastating abuse she suffered at the hands of her granddad from the age of seven, which included him dragging her from her bed at night and douse her in cold water in the bath amongst many other violent acts.
But incredibly she also revealed how she cared for him after he had a stroke and forgave him for his actions following his death when she was 15.
In the emotional interview, Crissy said: "A lot of what happens in your life is related to mental health and I've always known why I have these feelings and why I have these anxiety attacks I'm able now to control it. I know why a smell, sound, noise something that has a domino effect that transports you right back ... I have a phobia of having a bath. I can't get into a bath, to me it was getting dragged out of bed by scruff of your hair, being thrown into a freezing bath, and being scrubbed and told how discussing and filthy you were and how it was all your fault."
Recalling her grandfather's death, she said: "When he died I was so angry with him. How dare he just die and not say why? I don't understand why you did what you did. He's just gone and took it away so I can't questions."
Speaking about how she came to the decision to forgive her abuser after sitting alone in a room for three days following his death "just arguing with a person that was dead", she added: "If he walked in the door I would sit him down and say, 'I don't understand why but I'm going to forgive you, and for forgiving you I forgive myself.' "
In the powerful interview, Crissy was too overcome with emotion to speak when panellist Jane Moore asked if the abuse was both physical and sexual.
The stand-up comic admitted she began self-harming in a bid to try and cope with the feelings of pain and confusion she had about the abuse.
She said: "I was removing the pain, I was in control of when I was going to hurt."
At the time, Crissy wanted to tell her parents what was happening but she was too scared that they wouldn't believe her.
She said: "It was because you were told it was your fault. They wouldn't believe you and they think you were horrible and stupid."
In her autobiography, Crissy revealed that she was raped at the age of 15 and became pregnant from the attack.
In the tome 'This Heart Within Me Burns', she wrote: "He pushed me hard on the stairs and my head cracked off a banister rail. He began unbuttoning his trousers and I started shaking my head, I couldn't move. I was like a rabbit caught in the headlights. I wanted to scream but couldn't. It was over in two minutes."
Crissy decided to keep the baby and gave birth to her daughter Tracy.
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