Want to turn your love life into a steamy masterpiece?
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If so—and come on, who doesn’t—then prepare to level up your romance game. Say goodbye to casual hookups, get savvy about intimate moments, perfect your dirty talk, and aim for intense, unforgettable orgasms.
And let’s not forget the adventurous sex positions that might even challenge your chiropractor ….
Here’s how to transform your bedroom—or whatever random, inconvenient location you find yourself in—into the ultimate romance novel fantasy:
1. Say ‘No’ to the Booty CallNext time someone texts you “U up?’” politely decline with, “I'd love to but it's International Masturbation Day.” They'll be impressed by your support for a worthy cause. They might even think you'll make a good parent one day.
2. Ban Oral SexAs a writer of erotic romance, I know one thing: sex scenes are about women taking charge of what they want. Do I care if the guy orgasms? Not particularly. Many men expect to be given oral sex without reciprocating. They often think they're bigger than they are (they're not), which somehow turns it into a treat for the giver (it’s not). Oh, and if you’re allergic to sperm? Congratulations, you’ve just found the world’s best excuse to pass. Nobody wants to explain, ‘Yeah, my face is green because of Steve.’
3. Talk Dirty (Like Really Dirty)The allure of a man with a filthy mouth in romance novels is undeniable. I just finished reading The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood, and let me tell you about the main male character’s line: “I want to go down on you until you pass out.” Simple yet oh so effective.
In my own novel, Etched in Stone, Sebastian Stone drops this gem: “I can make you cum in so many ways.” Even I had to stop writing to grab a fan. Dirty talk is an art form, people—practice it, nail it, and wield it like the weapon of mass seduction it is.
4. Try New Positions (and Pray for Mercy)The romance novel world is teeming with wild sex positions. Researching them is an eye-opening experience. I recently googled the ‘Pinball Wizard’ and ‘Leapfrog’. I had no idea what they were. These positions are anti-gravity. I mean, who’s designing these? NASA?
Here’s the thing: if the position requires a degree in physics or a strong life insurance policy, proceed with caution. Nobody wants to explain to an ER nurse, ‘Well, we were just trying to recreate Chapter 14 of Etched in Stone…’.
5. Have Orgasms that Could be Classified as Natural DisastersRomance novel orgasms aren’t just physical—they’re events. Think earthquakes, tsunamis, maybe a surprise tornado if you’re ambitious. In my book Stepping Stone, I wrote: “The orgasm hit her like an earthquake—bucking, thrashing, and shuddering. Her vision swam. Endorphins trickled from her brain down to her toes.”
Translation? If you don’t feel like a human Jenga tower collapsing in slow motion, you’re doing it wrong.
Having sex like you’re in a romance novel isn’t about technique—it’s about going big, being bold, and embracing the wild and strange. So, aim for orgasms that could double as natural disasters. Now go forth and create your sexy rendezvous.
Disclaimer: Results may vary. Please consult your doctor before attempting any sex position you’ve only seen in a book. Side effects may include needing to explain to your chiropractor why your back looks like it lost a fight.
Liv Arnold is a critically acclaimed author and internationally renowned sex advice expert who has featured on the covers of Playboy, FHM, and Grazia, among many others. Her books have garnered widespread acclaim from the media and from a string of New York Times bestselling authors.