We all want our children to grow into confident, self-assured adults so it’s best to start boosting their confidence when they are young.

Parenting on Female First

Parenting on Female First

We’ve got some great tips from First Psychology’s Centre’s Dr Maria Gascon and Dr Ian Connor on how to give your kids that much needed confidence boost!

Top Tips to Boost your Child’s Confidence

1. Unconditional Love

To become confident, happy adults, your kids need unconditional love. They have to know that your affection is not dependent on how well they do, say, at their next sports day. Research has shown that developing a strong bond with your kids is the foundation to encouraging kids’ confidence and wellbeing at any age.

2. Have Playtime

Play with your kids. Pre-school kids spontaneously engage in a certain amount of play. However, without adult support and encouragement, creative play gradually disappears, which means kids lose out on opportunities to learn who they are, what they can do and how to relate to the world around them. Playing together helps you develop a bond and is a great ‘de-stressor’.

3. Get to Know your Kids

It may sound obvious, but do spend time with your kids at any age and get to know them. Find out what they enjoy and share it. This way, your child will feel validated, thinking “Mummy seems to enjoy me doing this, so I must be doing it ok”.

4. Bank of Feelings

Create a 'bank' of happy feelings, memories and shared enjoyable experiences throughout the years which both you and your kids can call upon at more difficult times, when common ground is harder to find. It gives both of you something positive to focus on and to remind each other about, possibly even draw a laugh.

5. Be Optimistic

How confident are you? If your children are used to hearing you say "I'm no good at this" or "I can't do that", they may take your words and use them as your own. Try to take a more optimistic approach to your – and your child’s – life to help them develop a ‘can do’ attitude.

6. Learn the Art of Scaffolding

Help your kids figure things out for themselves: don't tell them exactly how to solve a problem but place some clues, known as  'scaffolding' to psychologists, around the issue, allowing your kids to solve it on their own. Ask your child how they solved the problem and praise them for their ingenuity.

7. Focus on Positives

Ignore the negative and focus on the positive. It's all too easy for busy parents to say things like "Jack, I'm sick of you behaving like this. We've planned a nice day together!" Instead, make the child aware of negative behaviour and encourage more positive behaviour, such as: "Jack, stop hitting your sister. You're normally so kind and look after her. I want you to apologise to her and if you keep hitting her you won't be allowed to play after dinner."

8. Allow Them a Social Life

Allowing kids to participate in physical activities such as after school clubs and outdoor learning is a really very effective way of increasing their confidence as they master specific skills and improve their sense of control over themselves and their bodies.

9. Be Encouraging

Keep your feedback optimistic and give your child something concrete to act upon. Rather than “Haha, that's ok Abi, you just take after your mum when it comes to sport" try "It's ok Abi, you've just got to learn to keep your eye on the ball. We can practise that and you'll do better next time".

10. Focus on the Task

Focus on the task not the child. Terms such as "You're clever!" or "You were like Usain Bolt!" can be very positive for young people but they also put on pressure to maintain this performance. Instead, focus on the behaviour by saying things like "I liked how you worked that out!" or "I like how you ran the last 200 metres." This way your child knows what they did well. If they don't do so well in the future it's not a reflection on them as an individual but a behaviour they have control of and can change.

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