In terms of being a mother and running a business, a lot of parents might say that once they’ve had a child, starting a business is not something they want to think about. Do you think having a family and a business is achievable?
I think I’m so much more driven and ambitious now that I’ve got children. My time-management skills are excellent. For me, having a business and allowing myself to still be me as well as my kids mum, is important, to retain a bit of me aside from me being a mother. So having a business is almost a little bit of an escape from being a mum, it keeps the me, 15 years ago before I had kids and I think it’s really psychologically healthy to work. And I like that I contribute to the family financially as well, it keeps me sane.
With the winter months approaching and the clocks changing, children’s sleeping patterns can be heavily affected. Could you give us advice or your top tips on what parents can do to help their baby and toddlers sleeping routine in winter?
One of the things we do in our classes which is really important to us is that we help parents to have a realistic expectation of their baby or toddlers sleep. It’s not normal for a young baby to sleep 12 hours during the night, it’s quite abnormal. Actually, research shows us that at two years old, only 50 per cent of children sleep through the night.
So the first thing we do is help parents understand that a child’s sleeping pattern is massively different to an adults. They don’t have the same hormonally driven control of regulators sleep that we do. Their sleep cycle is also half of the length of ours. Now when an adult goes to sleep, they don’t sleep all night. We go through different sleep circles and we wake approximately four or five times. Kids do that double, so they have up to ten times more when they might wake.
So what we say is, understand how a child sleeps, understand why they might wake, understand why they might wake fully rather than wake and go back to sleep again. So the really important thing is to see, is there something in the room that’s scaring them? Something as silly as adding a night light in could really help. Are they cold? Which is really important in winter. I think lots of parents really worry that they’re overheating their babies and quite often they end up making them too cold.
If your baby is in their own room then it can be really unfamiliar and really scary for them because there’s nothing familiar there, so consider room sharing with them until they start sleeping through the night. Also, if you want them in their own room, use what we call reassuring ‘comforters’ to remind them of you when they wake, so it could be a cuddly toy that they associate with you, or some people give their baby or toddler a t-shirt that smells of them and reminds the child of you.
We also advise that you think about music and smell. Get your toddler used to a piece of music, every time you have a cuddle or a wind down, have the music on in the background so they relax and they can associate this music with you. Consider leaving that music on, very softly, all night in the nursery so that when they wake they think “oh that’s my music, I’m safe, I can go back to sleep.”
What’s the one tip or piece of advice you would give to parents who are looking to build a happier and healthier relationship with their baby?
Look after yourself, which sounds really silly because as a new parent you’re all about looking after your child and you neglect yourself. So, you neglect yourself emotionally, you neglect yourself physically and you neglect your relationship with your partner, you don’t have me time anymore and you end up exhausted. And when you’re exhausted, you can’t help anybody.
It’s a bit like when you go on an aeroplane and they do the safety announcements, they say if there’s an emergency and the masks drop down, if you have young children always put yours on first. And it’s the same thing so if you put there’s on first and you die because you’ve not put yours on quick enough, then you’re no use to them. It’s the same with parenting, you need to look after yourself so that you can look after them, and some people just don’t do that.
In terms of travelling with a baby, can you outline for me three things that parents should consider when choosing a destination and type of holiday?
With a little baby I wouldn’t go anywhere too hot. We went to Ibiza, not the party part, the quiet northern part with a one-year-old and there was a massive heat wave and it was horrendous. So I would suggest for the first couple of years go somewhere that’s not too hot.
Flying, I absolutely recommend having a sling with you so that you can let go of the pushchair and also if you’ve got a little baby then you don’t need to worry about a seat for them because they just strap on and you can hold them with your arm, so slings are an absolute lifesaver on holiday. Also, just pack lots of stuff for them to do.
And the other thing is, we worry so much about other people’s reactions and think “oh what if my baby cries on the plane” but you have to be a little bit selfish. You know, babies cry, other people have to deal with it.
And finally, BabyCalm has become a global brand and ToddlerCalm is fast becoming popular too, so with two successful parenting programmes under your belt, what’s coming up next for you?
Oh I definitely have enough on my plate (laughs). I’m writing with ToddlerCalm currently, a book to come out next year. The BabyCalm book is mostly focussed on 0-6months so my plan is that next year the ToddlerCalm book will come out and that’ll cover 1-4 years.
Lots of people keep saying that we should do teencalm, we have the url registered, so I’m not saying that I won’t do it. I’d like to investigate something for older children, because there’s nothing on the market to help people with eight, nine and 10 year olds, and my eldest is 10 at the moment and he’s just horrible (laughs). He’s not, he’s lovely but he’s really chancy, he’s chancier than a toddler, and there is no help, there are no books.
There’s a whole world of possibilities, people keep saying, “You should do Dadcalm and Dogcalm and Catcalm” (laughs).
You can find out more about Sarah and BabyCalm at www.babycalm.co.uk/ or http://sarahockwell-smith.com/
FemaleFirst @FemaleFirst_UK
Shabana Adam