F**king up the buttons on a baby grow
F**king up the buttons on a baby grow has a cover. And pages. And text! I think that's fairly unique among books these days. These days, you buy a book and you take it home and then you say to yourself WHOA HEY, THIS ISN'T A BOOK. THIS IS A CAN OF WHIPPED CREAM! NO FAIR!
How can non-parents enjoy this book?
When I was a kid I listened to Bill Cosby do stand-up all the time, and his stand-up was usually centred around parenting. But I liked it because Cosby saw things from the perspective of both the parent AND the child, and I tried to do the same here. So even if you don't have kids, you can enjoy the book so long as you once were a kid. Which all of you presumably were at one point.
Your first two books were The Postmortal and Men With Balls so what can you tell us about these?
I’ll be honest: Those books WEREN'T hugely successful. I got okay advances and The Postmortal got some nice award bait stuff, but neither made the bestseller list. It's shockingly difficult to make that list. You see some book written by Lauren Conrad make the list and you're like Well, it can't be that hard. But it is! Turns out there are a lot of books out there.
Tell us a bit about your columns in Deadspin and Gawker.
My job at Deadspin is to complain about things, which I think you British folk will really respond to. No one offers up complaints like the British. "Well, when you fink about it, The Beatulls were really bad, weren't they?"
What is ‘baby monitor chicken’?
When neither parent wants to get out of bed to go attend to the baby because babies are loud and heavy.
What are your biggest up and downs of being a father?
Obviously, the low points are whenever someone gets hurt, either physically or emotionally. My third kid nearly died and it's a whole other world of pain that I don't quite know if I can communicate. But it's still worth it to have them. It's still worth it have something worth dying for.
Why do you think your stories of trying to raise a family have been so popular?
I try my best to write things that other people will find mildly amusing. I try my best not to make myself look good or write simply for the sake of getting you interested in my life. If I can tell you a story about my life that somehow connects with your own, that's much more rewarding.
How does your wife respond to your books and articles?
She usually likes them. She's not wild about the swearing, but the swearing is what pays our water bill.
What is a normal day like in your world?
I get up and help with the kids, then go into my writing hole for a few hours. Sometimes I come out to eat peanuts. I'm like an elephant at the zoo.
What is next for you?
UNTOLD BRITISH PUBLISHING RICHES.