Don't have a soap style Christmas
‘You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family.’ Unfortunately this rule applies to your partner’s family too so if you are one of the many unlucky women that have been lumbered with a fire breathing dragon for a mother-in-law or traditional grumpy father-in-law, it is something you are going to have to learn to live with.
That time of year is almost here, Christmas. For large families rather than a time to celebrate and let your hair down, it is time spent stressing over impressing your relatives, especially in-laws and catering for the five thousand.
The truth is the parents only have their ‘child’s best interests at heart,’ even if their ‘baby boy’ is forty years old and already has three children with you.
The harsh reality is, when they say, ‘son, no woman will ever be good enough for you’ they probably mean it, so stop fretting about getting them to like you. Yes, this is easier said than done but there are ways that you can make the day run more smoothly for yourself. You need to learn to smile and delegate.
The key to keeping everyone happy on this dooming joyous occasion is planning. If need be, ask your mother-in-law to help with the dinner, you may be shocked at this suggestion but just think, this way she won’t be popping in and out of the kitchen judging you on the state of your roast potatoes.
The best thing about receiving her help is that if it happens that everything goes wrong, for example, the turkey is dry, the peas taste like rocks and the Yorkshire puddings have gone soggy, then she can’t show you up for being a ‘rubbish cook’ because she also had input. In fact, she is partly to blame.
If you honestly believe that ‘too many cooks spoil the broth,’ think of other jobs that you can allocate to the in-laws.
Palming off the job of minding any children running about the house to the grandparents will may them feel important but will also keep them busy, so they won’t be sticking their nose in throughout the day.
The more people you invite round on Christmas day the less time you will have to spend talking to them as other family members will be keeping them occupied.
Delegation is important if you have a big family to cater for, you can’t successfully manage everything on your own. Get your partner to keep the drinks full to the brim and get any older children to help you with the washing up post-meal or laying the table beforehand.
You can even get any brothers or sisters to chip in by crowing them King of karaoke, or Queen of entertainment. This will ensure that no one gets bored and there is no quiet time in which the dreaded annual family disagreement could be kick started.
There is a chance that rather than them coming to you, it could be your turn to visit the in-laws this year. If this is the case you will probably already feel like a huge weight has been lifted because the dinner is no longer your responsibility. You have however still got to manage the kid’s behaviour and make sure your presents are up to scratch.
Presents are such a nightmare. If you get your mother-in-law a voucher, sure they can buy something they actually like but at the same time it is ‘cold and thoughtless’ and looks like you can’t be bothered to think of an appropriate gift.
For this reason you opt for a pink woolly jumper that would look ‘perfect’ on her. Big mistake, pink? woolly? are you trying to say she is old?
One common problem at Christmas is deciding where to spend the big day, especially if you are a new couple, picking a set of parents is always a tricky subject and usually ends in an argument.
The tip is once again to plan. Alternate each year and decide who will be first early on. This way you can inform both sets of parents of the situation so they won’t be too disappointed. The worst thing you can do is drop the bombshell on Christmas Eve when they have already stocked up on festive treats.
Either way you are never going to avoid criticism all together. Neither are you going to irradiate the bad habits that annoy you immensely.
Remember that Christmas only comes once a year and if you have children you want to make it a special time for them. The main tip is just to grit your teeth and bare the torment because an argument only makes the atmosphere tense and awkward for everyone.
For anyone that is lucky enough to have met their mother-in-law-to-be and immediately hit it off, this information probably doesn’t apply to you. Chances are you enjoy shopping trips, coffee mornings and she may even prefer you to her own son.
However, just remember you are the exception so spare a thought for those not as fortunate as yourself this Christmas.
Female First
Kelly Warden
Tagged in Christmas