The problem…
My bossy colleague wants to ‘police’ our work WhatsApp group
"One of my colleagues has started a group of about 14 of us on WhatsApp, for us to chat on while we're in lockdown. The thing is, she's 'policing' it and snaps at anyone who steps out of the line she thinks we should be following.
"She objects to anything political; she doesn't like any mention of the coronavirus and she only wants there to be funny stuff and jokes. Some of us want to use it to discuss other more serious things, but we face snarky comments if we try. I have regularly incurred her wrath and have been 'reprimanded' several times – which sometimes amuses me and sometimes really annoys me.
"She's very good-hearted but is renowned for being a bit bossy at work, and now it's extended into group messaging too, it all feels a bit much. Does she have the right to do this?"
Fiona says…
"This is a tricky one. As it's a group of colleagues, I'm tempted to say that surely you should be able to discuss anything on there that you'd discuss face to face. However, as it's not an official work-related group, my feeling is that the person who started it – for whatever purpose – has the right to exercise some control.
"You have several options: you could stand up to her and tell her you will continue to post content you want to share – but how would your relationship be with her when you do go back to work? You could leave the group, but I suspect you would miss the interaction with your colleagues.
"You could start a new group of your own, and tell them all you are doing so in order to share and discuss content that's out of bounds in the other group. However, that could make some of your colleagues feel they are being asked to take sides and, furthermore, they might not appreciate having yet another WhatsApp group going on.
"Whilst we're all in lockdown and it's not always possible to see one another face to face, it is all too easy to be upset by words written quickly and without much thought. Remember, this isn't going to last forever and at some point you are probably all going to have to work together again. The simplest option, therefore, is to give in and follow her wishes, allowing her the chance to exercise her normal behaviour on the group she started.
"That doesn't make her behaviour right, but remember she may have started the group for some light relief and distraction from the news. I suspect she's very anxious and frightened because if she's someone who likes to control things, this must be a very difficult time for her. None of us know how to control this virus and trying to exercise her control over this group could be one of her coping mechanisms. Unless it's actually hurting you in some way, it is probably best to just let it wash over you.
"She cannot control what you put on your own social media pages, so perhaps you could stick to sharing anything she'd consider controversial on there? You say she's very good-hearted and perhaps she thinks she is protecting people from thinking too hard about how awful this pandemic is. She's probably missing you all too, so perhaps you could give her the benefit of the doubt."
If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to [email protected] for advice. All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.