The problem…
I’ve accidentally fallen pregnant in lockdown – but money is so tight
"My boyfriend and I only started to share a flat about three months before we got stuck indoors together, working from home. We've been getting along really well, and although we'd both agreed we ought to be more financially secure before getting married, now that doesn't seem so important.
"I'm 31 and he's 30 so you'd think we'd be old enough to know better, but we ran out of condoms and thought we'd risk it – so guess what, I'm pregnant! We thought I was in my 'safe' period but obviously I wasn't. We've talked about this endlessly as because of our religious beliefs, we're both committed to having the baby. We just don't have enough money without both our incomes though, and I just don't know how we're going to manage to afford to feed the three of us, let alone pay for a bigger home.
"One part of me is delighted but I am also so frightened. We haven't told our parents yet (although I expect they'll be pleased), and of course we've not had any tests other than home pregnancy kits (twice, just to be sure).
"I don't want to go near the hospital or the surgery right now as I don't want to risk being exposed to Covid-19. Obviously, we'd like to get married now as soon as we can but that's impossible too, but I really hope we can marry before the baby's born."
Fiona says…
"An unplanned pregnancy throws most couples into a spin, so please don't think you are alone in this. Although there is no evidence yet, I imagine there will be quite a few extra births nine months or so from now – some, like yours, will be unplanned too. And even planned pregnancies can be frightening – it's going to be a complete change to your way of life, but as the two of you haven't had long together yet, it's all going to be very new.
"It may be difficult running a home on a very tight budget, but thousands of people manage to pull off this seemingly impossible juggling act, and I sure you will too.
Try to contact your local Social Services or Citizens Advice now to see what financial support you may be entitled to. You could also speak to your local housing department to find out whether or not you could go on a waiting list for social housing of some kind. Or, if you do have a larger but limited income, perhaps you could consider shared ownership – again, your local housing department could probably advise you.
"It is important that you do contact your medical practice about your pregnancy. Although things are different right now, there are procedures that need to be put in motion. You can talk to them over the phone and tell them your concerns about going in – they'll be best placed to advise on this and ensure you feel reassured. There are extra precautions in place to protect everyone from Covid-19, but it's still important not to ignore other issues.
"You should still have regular appointments and scans while you're pregnant, but it may be that some of your appointments will be online, by phone or by video call.
It's also possible that your booked appointments may get cancelled or rescheduled – that may be annoying, but it will be for your own safety. If you do have to go to hospital or a surgery for any of your appointments, you will probably have to wear a mask.
"I'd encourage you to start thinking about childcare sooner rather than later too, especially if you think you'll want to go back to work at the end of your maternity leave. You have time now to start planning, so make the most of it. Babies are expensive but I'd strongly encourage you to borrow or buy things second-hand as they grow so quickly; new things can be a waste of money anyway. There are baby banks for people facing financial hardship too, in some areas, which may be worth looking into should the need arise.
"As for getting married, it doesn't have to be an expensive big wedding – or perhaps that's something you could do further down the line in the future. Take things one step at a time and discuss between you what feels best for you as a couple. After the first year, I am sure things will begin to look easier for you and that you will look back on this time together as a wonderful chance to develop your relationship."
If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to [email protected] for advice. All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.