Aron Ralston thought he could BMX bike through desert canyons without a care, and ended up with a lot of surplus extra gloves that lack resale value.
Open Water (2003)
Destination: the Caribbean. Holidaymakers: Blanchard Ryan, Daniel Travis. Major snag: sharks.
A couple on an island holiday take a supervised boat trip to scuba dive in the open ocean, but fellow tourist faffs around with safety equipment and mucks up the head-count when it’s time to get back in the boat and go home.
So they get left behind, and the sharks start circling. Cold, paranoia (‘it’s all your fault’) and the vastness of the ocean are perils even before the Jaws gang show up.
The lesson needed to be repeated in Adrift, released in some places as Open Water 2, but variants include the up-a-tree-with-crocodiles Blood Water and up-a-ski-lift-with-wolves Frozen.
The Out-of-Towners (1970)
Destination: New York City. Holidaymakers: Jack Lemmon, Sandy Dennis. Major snag: New York City.
The film industry has repeated over and over again that the backwoods aren’t safe places for city-dwellers, but occasionally feels the need to redress the balance by showing how the city isn’t safe for hicks from the sticks.
Scripted in sadistic mode by Neil Simon, this is notionally a comedy but as actually as gruelling as Deliverance as a nice small-town couple come to the Big Apple for a dream weekend, and are insulted, abused, robbed, ignored and menaced by every single person and dumb object they come across.
Westworld (1973)
Destination: Delos. Holidaymakers: Richard Benjamin, James Brolin. Major snag: robot Yul Brynner.
Long before Michael Crichton was worried that genetically engineering dinosaurs as a theme park attraction was not a good idea, he was concerned that hedonist vactioners of the future would have so much fun dressing up as cowboys and gunning down robots that the machines would revolt and start slaughtering the guests.
For those of you who want to see the movie that inspired this little reminiscing trip of movie holidays from hell, check out Retreat when it’s released at cinemas on 14 October or grab it on Blu-ray or DVD from 17 October 2011.
Kim Newman