Just when did people stop writing love letters? It’s difficult to pinpoint when handwritten love letters fell out of favour, but certainly the popularity of email had a huge hand in it. The 1998 movie You’ve Got Mail saw the birth of a new kind of romance; an online romance; and since then we’ve preferred chatrooms over letters, emails over envelopes, calls over calligraphy.
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Now we don’t even write love emails; we shoot over brief DMs via social media and dating apps sometimes accompanied by explicit images. Our messages are sent out instantly, our replies can be just as instantaneous. Long-distance (or even regular distance) relationships can progress more quickly, and it’s never been easier to hold down a number of lovers.
It’s not just email’s fault the love letter has died, though. Love letters had already seen a downward turn as telephones became an essential part of every household. Of course, the lack of privacy in having a shared phone - or even a shared computer - made love letters still a necessary move. However, now everyone has their own smartphone, calls, emails, texts and DMs via social media and apps like Tindr are the preferred methods of communication. There’s just no reason to go to the effort of writing a letter anymore.
Has the romance gone? It takes little to no effort to send a flirty text, which means the majority of your flirtatious interactions with new people will be shallow and sordid, but occasionally you’ll find someone with whom you can engage in quality conversation. There’s no shortage of romantic people out there, we’re just more exposed to those who have little interest in romance in the traditional sense than we were before.
So what are the real issues with sending love letters? Well, for one, stamps cost money, and for two, they can easily get lost in the mail. Plus, you need to know someone’s address to send them a letter - and that requires building a trusting relationship first since most people don’t want to give their address to a complete stranger.
Then there’s the problem with the emotional authenticity of handwritten love letters; thoughts and feelings that end up on paper are far more likely to be carefully constructed than via instant messaging, which often means the spontaneity and honesty is lost. Lastly, not everyone in the world can use a pen, which means typing and voice-to-text technology is crucial for some people to have “penpal” relationships.
On the other hand, what are the positives of love letter writing? They certainly serve as precious romantic keepsakes to look back on, they tend to be lengthier than your average DM, and they take much more effort to write - which means someone has to be particularly keen on you to bother. There’s also a certain intimacy in knowing someone’s handwriting; an intimacy that we’ve all but forgotten with the takeover of smartphones and laptops.
While not everyone had email/was on social media/had their own phone, love letters still felt relevant. But now you’re not likely to find someone who isn’t connected to at least one of these methods of communication, so handwritten notes become merely gimmicks; pointless romantic gestures that feel strange and uncomfortable to the younger generation.
Perhaps one of the most prolific eras for love letters was during the First and Second World Wars. People would write to their spouses and new loves overseas and would tentatively await a reply that may or may not come. Couples are still separated by war in this day and age, but soldiers usually have access to phones and email services while deployed.
MORE: Why we should all write a love letter, at least once in our lives by Olivia Beirne
We’ll likely never see the return of the humble handwritten love letter now, unless of course TikTok starts a new trend of retro communications. Anything could happen.
Tagged in relationships romance