Premature ejaculation is the most common male sexual dysfunction, with more than one in five men affected, yet so many men still find it difficult to talk about.
Health on Female First
For something that greatly impacts upon relationships, it's still something that men find difficult to talk about.
But here we have all the facts you were to afraid to ask.
We spoke to Dr Hilary Jones and Geoff Hackett (Chairman of Chairman of the British Society for Sexual Medicine) to gain their insight into premature ejactulation.
Why do people still find it so hard to talk about sex?
Dr Hilary Jones: I think there are several reasons. First of all our expectations of sex are I suppose created by the media. We are all lead to believe that sex should be plentiful, wonderful, earth-shattering and readily available all the time and that unfortunately is unrealistic. So a lot of us are already disappointed and feel inadequate even if we are shall we say ‘normal’. Also I think it is awkward when we talk to doctors about sexual dysfunction because doctors have limited sex education and although they may be better equipped to talk to women about sexual issues because they are used to dealing with their gynaecological and obstetric problems. I think men find it difficult to talk to other men about significant sexual problems and men feel very embarrassed about going to see their doctor in the first place and talking about anything that affects them below the waist.
And how can you encourage people to talk more about sex, especially in terms of health?
Dr Hilary Jones: Well one of the things that we try and do is to take an initiative from people like international rugby players, right now we have got several of them backing an initiative called the ‘Firing Too Quickly’ campaign which is about information and awareness of premature ejaculation which affects 20% of men. And by using young fit guys who are mature enough to talk about these common issues we hope that other men will identify with that and say well if they can talk about it, we can talk about it and go and get the help that is out there and can help us with our problems.
Why do you think men do find it more difficult to talk about it?
Dr Hilary Jones: I think it’s the way we are brought up; it’s okay to talk about a terrible injury incurred on the field of sport where we are considered heroes. But anything that affects us below the waist we can say – I think we are always fearful of being teased mercilessly, of being ridiculed or even having the doctor laugh at us. And I think it is that lack of self-confidence that makes us reluctant sometimes to get help.
You have mentioned the ‘Firing Too Quickly’ campaign, is there anything else that you can tell us about this campaign?
Dr Hilary Jones: Absolutely. We know that from a survey called ‘Sex of the Nations’ which coincides with the Six Nations rugby tournament and uses the international rugby players to back it up. We know from this survey that there is a fair degree of ignorance about common sexual dysfunction in both men and women. Particularly we think that erectile dysfunction – many of us still think that erectile dysfunction is more common than premature ejaculation, in fact it’s not. Premature ejaculation affects twice as many men as E.D and many people think there is nothing you can do to really remedy it and that is not true either. If you compare the different nations - which is what the survey did, the Italians come out better with expectations that sex should last more than 10 minutes. And that is in line with our expectations of how we see Italians romantically perhaps. But there are plenty of men who will climax in less than one to two minutes. And if that leaves either partner in a relationship dissatisfied then that premature ejaculation becomes a problem which can be very distressing and in time can destroy relationships.
And why do you think there is a stigma surrounding premature ejaculation?
Dr Hilary Jones: I think that the stigma is that you feel inadequate; you feel that you’re inexperienced. You can’t come to terms with the tension involved, that you are going to be laughed at. You may even feel as a young man in an early relationship that you might end up on Twitter ridiculed by your partner which can have a very serious psychological impact on you in the future and might make you shy away from any further relationships, so I think there are lots of reasons.
And what do men need to know about premature ejaculation?
Geoff Hackett: Hi, this is Geoff Hackett here. I’ll just take over from Hilary for a moment. Well I think men need to know that it is a common problem and as this survey shows it is about 20% of the population and that sounds an awful lot but what is important is that it doesn’t really matter unless it causes distress or affects relationships. And I’ve been involved in quite a few studies where I have seen how radically it does affect relationships, particularly the woman because when they come in as a couple, the woman often says “well I’m only here for his benefit because it worries him, it doesn’t worry me”. But when you actually get her on her own and can talk confidentially to her, she is actually very unfulfilled because after all how can she reach climax or achieve pleasure because the whole procedure is only taking less than a minute. So after a year or two in this relationship, she begins to think, is this all there is for me? Is this the way life is going to be? So she looks elsewhere and that is tragic when marriages fail and relationships at an early stage.
And what can people do to help control it?
Geoff Hackett: Well there are two important points to remember. There are two types of premature ejaculation; one is life-long where it has happened from the very first sexual experience and I see a lot of Asian men from India or Pakistan in their late twenties who have had limited or no sexual experience before hand – sometimes it is an arranged marriage – and it is catastrophic when there has been no experience before hand and now it is abject failure and in these cases, they are very difficult to treat and we usually do need medication because often for cultural reasons they can’t talk about it with their partner and we certainly don’t see the partners of these men in the clinic. And then when you have got the acquired case where with the man everything has been fine, and then because of certain dynamics in their relationship, often the woman might have had a child and she is less interested in sex, the man feels under greater pressure to pleasure her and becomes over focussed on the wrong aspects of the sexual act and fails repeatedly. These sorts of cases can often be dealt with by psychological routes, sex therapists, various techniques and exercises. But communication is at the heart of all this. The couple have to talk to each other and actually have to explain what they want and what they like and what they dislike about their sexual repertoires.
And where can people go for more information?
Geoff Hackett: Well, they can go to an excellent website www.firingtooquickly.co.uk which has got all the result of this survey and about premature ejaculation from both the man and the woman’s perspective. Or they can go and see their general practitioner but in some practices there will be a partner or partners who are particularly interested in this aspect or a sexual health clinic.