The menopause is a major transition during a women’s lifespan, and is often accompanied by physical, emotional and social changes. The classic symptoms such as hot flushes and night sweats are only a small part of the picture – for many women, the most troubling aspects of the menopause are the ones they don’t tend to talk about, including anxiety, low mood, psychological problems such lack of concentration and physical conditions like vaginal dryness bladder weakness, which women may be embarrassed about. Altogether, it’s clear to see why the menopause can be such a difficult time for women – a stage where support and understanding from partners is key.
Dr Meg
Here are some tips to help your loved one through her journey…
Educate yourself
Learn about the symptoms and what changes and experiences are common during the perimenopause, menopause and post-menopause. By doing this, you can see that symptoms such as mood swings, irritability and forgetfulness are all part and parcel of the menopause for many women. But bear in mind that every woman experiences the menopause differently and what your partner is going through may not be ‘textbook’ – in other words, listen and believe her when she tells you what she’s experiencing.
Open-up the conversation
Even in the closest of couples, opening-up the conversation and talking about taboo symptoms such as bladder weakness and vaginal dryness can be one of the most challenging parts of the menopause. Be willing to talk about these things respectfully and find a way to approach them as a couple. The ‘Let’s Pee Honest’ campaign by pelvic floor specialist INNOVO aims to destigmatise taboo conditions by opening up the conversation – find out more at www.myinnovo.com/uk/lets-pee-honest.
Offer support rather than advice
It can be incredibly tempting as a result of your research to offer hard and fast solutions – but this is rarely helpful in any context. In general, when someone is experiencing a major life transition, they simply want to be heard and understood, rather than dictated to. Therefore, ask ‘What’s the best thing I can do to help you get through this?’, and really listen carefully to your partner’s response.
Don’t expect a ‘quick fix’
The term menopause refers to when periods stop altogether, usually around the age of 51. However, during the time leading up to this (known as the perimenopause), symptoms can start much earlier than some women expect, often in their mid-40s, and can last up to a decade in some cases. It’s important to understand that the entire process won’t happen overnight – or even over a couple of years, as for most women this transition typically lasts four to eight years. Understanding that you’re likely to be in it for the long haul will help your partner by reducing the pressure to find a ‘quick fix’. Consistent support is key during this time.
Explore solutions together
Although there may not be an overall ‘cure’ for the menopause, there are many options available for effective symptom relief, and solutions for different issues - you can help by exploring these treatments and techniques together. This can take the form of going with her to the doctors to discuss symptoms, to looking into products that can provide a solution, for example INNOVO shorts for bladder weakness or MonaLisa Touch for vaginal dryness. Practising mind-body exercises like yoga together can also help and has been shown in research studies to reduce the emotional and sleep symptoms of the menopause.
Try not to take the intimate stuff personally
Changes in intimate relationships can feel confusing and be viewed as a rejection – but in most relationships this is far from the truth. The hormonal changes during the menopause often lead to a plummeting libido – so try your best not to take it personally. While you’re exploring solutions for menopausal symptoms, keep the spark alive with eye contact, hand holding, cuddles and oodles of reassurance.
Be patient and understanding
Be aware that during the menopause, a woman’s body changes and with that, her body confidence, sex drive and moods may change as well. Try not to put any pressure on your partner – offer support and reassurance and take things slow. Do your best to understand, but don’t push – just knowing you’re there and are supportive can make a huge difference.
Show your appreciation
Many women may feel less feminine and more self-conscious during the menopause, so help improve your partner’s self-image by reminding her she looks great and how much you love her. Practical things like cooking dinner, sorting out the house and helping with the shopping can be amazing ways to show how much you care. These activities can significantly reduce the burden on your partner while she’s dealing with difficult symptoms - so show your appreciation of her by thinking ahead.
Don’t stop having fun
It can be very easy to focus on the negatives and become overly serious when symptoms are playing havoc with your partner’s life – don’t let this stop you having fun, as a bit of laugher is even more important during this time and can offer a welcome distraction. Suggest a date night – either a leisurely dinner over glass of wine or even an evening watching a movie on the sofa – whatever is most comfortable.
Remember she’s still the same woman you love
As the saying goes “this too shall pass” – so, in the midst of a severe mood swing, anxiety panic or when she seems to be pulling away, do remember that the behavioural changes you may be seeing are a result of hormonal fluctuations. Your partner is still the same women you fell in love and remember, the menopause doesn’t last forever.
Tagged in Menopause