Seven hilarious women you need to follow on Twitter

by Katie Haseldine | 18 March 2019

Right now, our timelines seem to be heavily featuring tweets about Brexit, Donald Trump and that senator whacking egg boy. We like egg boy, but it can be a refreshing change to read something that makes you laugh out loud.

So, after searching Twitter for the funniest female comedians and writers with consistently hilarious content, here are seven of the best, that you absolutely need to follow.

Evidence has been provided.

Emily Murnane

Every work email I send:

Hey!

Sorry to bug you!

Was just wondering

(If it’s not too much trouble)

Would it be possible to do thing you said you’d do?

Totally fine if not!

Prob my fault anyway I’m an idiot :)

Sorry to bother you!

Sorry I exist!

So sorry!

Just let me know!

Emily
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) October 19, 2018

Nothing like curling up with a good book, reading a single paragraph 8-9 times bc you keep not really reading it, takin a quick break to take a photo of the book next to a mug of coffee for insta with the caption “Mood 📖☕️💗”, then calling it a day.
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) March 9, 2019

Cant wait for Wednesday so I can stop asking ppl in the office what they did last weekend and start asking if they have any big plans for this weekend
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) February 26, 2019

Sarah Hutto

CHECK OUT MY ORANGE HACK. (You’ve been eating oranges wrong this whole time.) pic.twitter.com/afe47LNM3e
— Sarah Hutto (@huttopian) March 16, 2019

This is just how he sees himself in his own mind. pic.twitter.com/TQW8exdysN
— Sarah Hutto (@huttopian) March 15, 2019

Oh. pic.twitter.com/cqCx87V4d9
— Sarah Hutto (@huttopian) March 13, 2019

Sarah Sweeney

thanks for friending me on facebook, please enjoy long stretches of zero content until something reasonably positive happens to me
— Sarah Sweeney (@heysarahsweeney) February 19, 2019

If you ever feel like you’re not good enough, remember there are people out there who think clipping their fingernails on a crowded subway is acceptable behavior. pic.twitter.com/SLbQ2fweEx
— Sarah Sweeney (@heysarahsweeney) March 14, 2019

can't confirm there's a direct correlation, but this is what I looked like when Obama was president, and this is me now. pic.twitter.com/KqZZCWCF33
— Sarah Sweeney (@heysarahsweeney) March 15, 2019

Julia Johns

I'm gonna be single for so long that someday when I'm old and married, someone will ask "What's the secret to a long-lasting relationship?" and I'll be like "I dunno I met this dude when I was 78"
— Julia Johns (@heyJuliaJohns) February 21, 2019

How come having a shoelace untied makes you feel like the biggest piece of shit loser
— Julia Johns (@heyJuliaJohns) March 6, 2019

Have you read that book?

No

Oh, it’s great you should read it.

Have you seen that movie?

No

WHAT??!!!!! YOU IDIOT YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE DEAD!!!!!!!!
— Julia Johns (@heyJuliaJohns) December 31, 2018

Christi Chiello

Ordering a cranberry juice is a surefire way to let everyone at this diner know I care about my urinary tract!!!
— christi chiello (@christichiello) March 17, 2019

Waiter: omg miss did you just throw your glass of water?

Me: yes I’m so sorry I just remembered when I had short hair
— christi chiello (@christichiello) March 9, 2019

IS IT REALLY THAT HARD 2 FIND A GUY WHO IS:

-INTERESTED IN COMEDY BUT NOT OBSESSED

-NOT A COMEDIAN BUT IS VERY FUNNY (LIKE COULD BE ONE)

-IDEALLY HAS A DEAD MOM BUT I CAN BE FLEX WITH THIS ONE

-TALL !!!!!!!
— christi chiello (@christichiello) May 31, 2018

Kenice Mobley

I miss when there were lots of reasons why someone didn’t respond to you. 3000 years ago you could be like, “well, maybe the gods turned them into a tree?”
— Kenice Mobley (@kenicemobley) February 24, 2019

Two thoughts, simultaneously held;

1) *drops change, trips, exists*

Brain: You stupid bitch, this is why you’re never going to reach your goals

2) *completes any task, puts together something decent, also exists*

Brain: I honestly don’t know why everyone isn’t in love with me
— Kenice Mobley (@kenicemobley) February 23, 2019

It’s the subway, where ISN’T the shit smell coming from?
— Kenice Mobley (@kenicemobley) March 11, 2019

Sara Wren

TATTOO ARTIST: This tattoo won't age well soon.

ME: Excuse me!? I'm 27 not 72 and I'm not gonna care whether or not my tattoo looks okay then.

TATTOO ARTIST: No...I mean you're asking for a tattoo of Michael Jackson.
— Sara Wren (@sarawrencomedy) March 12, 2019

[on a date]

Me: So where are you from?

Him: New Jersey.

Me: *puts on a ring* I'm actually married.
— Sara Wren (@sarawrencomedy) February 25, 2019

ME: *sees new season of Jeopardy is on Netflix* Siri, clear my schedule!

SIRI: you have no events.

ME: Perfect.
— Sara Wren (@sarawrencomedy) January 20, 2019

by Katie Haseldine for www.femalefirst.co.uk

Tagged in Twitter