You may remember last week, Hilaria Baldwin posting on Instagram about a sensitive topic she had very recently been through. Very sadly, she experienced a miscarriage.
Miscarriage is a type of grief that is often ignored out of fear of dealing with the unknown
It’s a word we often feel forced to speak in hushed tones, for fear of triggering a reaction we don’t know how to manage, not wanting to speak about a ‘taboo’ subject or just the general feeling it is not welcome within our day-to-day conversations.
But this is very much part of the problem.
And that’s what Hilaria was aiming to change when she openly spoke about her experience online.
To further open the conversation up surrounding miscarriage and the effects it can have on women and their families afterward, we spoke to a healthcare professional who told us some information on what happens when miscarriages occur, the myths surrounding them and why talking about the ‘taboo’ topic is a constructive way to break down the stigma.
Angela Rogers runs HD Hypnobirth and has years of experience working as a midwife both on the wards and in the community.
Angela says that there is no particular reason why miscarriages occur and for that reason, women shouldn’t blame themselves.
“A miscarriage, in basic terms, is a loss of pregnancy between conception and 24 weeks.”
“We don’t know all the reasons why miscarriages occur, but more often than not it’s usually to do with a chromosomal abnormality which happens at conception. This is something that can happen to any woman - it’s not attributed to any lifestyle factors, it’s just nature.
“It could be that the statistics out on miscarriages are only those reported from confirmed pregnancies - the rates could be higher if a women hasn't even take a pregnancy test and considers it to be a late period. This is known as a blighted ovum - when the fertilised egg doesn’t implant in the lining of the uterus.”
After experiencing a miscarriage, different women will have different experiences. Some may find it easier to cope than others - slipping back into enjoying life again shortly after. However, there are women that may need more time to come to terms with their loss.
Like in any grieving situation, everybody responds differently. Some may experience physical difficulties, others may find themselves struggling to handle their emotions after what can be a traumatic experience. This, says Angela, is why we need to start normalising the conversation, so women can feel free to express how they feel and get the right help that they need.
“Psychological, emotional, physical - there is a wide range of different experiences that a woman may face when she has experienced a miscarriage.
“Often the women have known about her pregnancy for longer than the rest of the world - or maybe hasn’t announced it but has already formed a bond with her growing embryo and without realising has made many plans for the future. Women sometimes visualise what their newborn baby will look like and how life will be with a child (or an additional one), they may have named it, thought about its gender, they may have even begun buying things to prepare for the arrival. Because of this, extreme feelings of loss are very common - not just the loss of the baby, but the loss of a future that they had planned.
“Emotionally, it can impact relationships strongly as often the partner has not experienced that deep bond like the woman has and finds it difficult to appreciate those feelings that she is having. Sometimes the partner may not bring up the conversation for fear of upsetting the woman, even if she does want to talk about it. This lack of communication can make a woman feel isolated in her grief.”
Like with most health-related issues, there are many common myths surrounding miscarriage. Generally, they revolve around women blaming themselves for the pregnancy loss - believing that some of their lifestyle choices may have had an impact on the problems that occurred with their pregnancy.
“It must be my fault”, “I had a drink before I knew I was pregnant”, are some of the things women might tell themselves after having a miscarriage. But it’s highly unlikely that a one-off day-to-day event would cause a miscarriage - our bodies are very resilient. Every woman has a different background and lifestyle.
“A healthy embryo will take what it needs to grow - sometimes even to the detriment of the woman’s health, for instance, some women may need to take iron supplements, which is common.
“It’s important to try and lessen the taboo - bringing the topic into discussion so that in future if a woman does experience it, she may not have to suffer the feelings of isolation that many women in the past have.
“Within our culture, people don’t really talk about miscarriage. From a public health point of view, I think it’s important to encourage discussion around pregnancy loss.”
If you need support or advice, Tommy’s charity offers a free pregnancy line, and you can find more information about miscarriages and the research into them on their website.
Tagged in Parenting Hilaria Baldwin Miscarriage