Bullying will never not be an issue within schools and workplaces. Most people have been or have known someone who has been bullied in their lifetime, and it's often a life-altering experience. It can be physical, verbal, emotional or virtual, and often leads to depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicide.
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We explore this important issue as Anti Bullying Week kicks off, revealing a 5-step process of dealing with bullies when all usual advice fails. Ignoring your tormentors and telling a parent, teacher or manager is always the best thing to do, but if you're not seeing any results, try for a little reverse psychology...
Step 1: Laugh with them
Bullies get off on hurting people and destroying their self-worth. None of us can control what we feel hurt or offended by, but we can control how we react to that feeling. Smile when you want to cry. Laugh when you want to retaliate. They'll soon get bored when they realise they can't get a rise out of you.
Step 2: Be self-depricating
Nothing expresses confidence more than a person who's willing to make fun of themselves. If a bully finds a reason to pick on you, just go along with it. If they call you ugly, joke that you're still wearing your Halloween mask. If they call you fat, inform them that you're just channelling your inner hippopotamus. The idea here is to diminish their insults enough that they'll run out of things to say eventually.
Step 3: Respond with a compliment
Throw a bully off their game by retaliating with a nice comment. Go against your instinct of firing back an equally cutting remark, because then you're giving them what they want. An example might be telling them they're looking great after they've insulted your figure. If they call you stupid, tell them everyone looks stupid next to them. It feels wrong, but it will leave you with a sense of smug decency that will either make them hate you more because they can't get to you or make them develop a newfound respect for you.
Step 4: Engage the quietest bully in conversation
If you're being picked on by a group of people, there will most likely be one who is particularly quiet, or at least the most unwilling to be a part of the group's mean activities. These people want to fit in, but they definitely don't want to stand out. If you single them out and let them know you've noticed them through something as simple as asking them for the time or when the assignment's due, they may re-think their method of trying to fit in.
Step 5: Send them a note telling them how great they are
A lot of bullies attack others out of anger towards their own lives. They may have serious issues at home or be struggling with their mental health. All bullies have some level of deep insecurity which causes them to belittle those around them who they consider to be weaker or a potential threat. Send them an anonymous note telling them they're loved and interesting. If nothing else, you may at least distract them from their torment of you for a while.
Bonus Step: Reach out to them
If you're really ballsy, try and reach out to the bully in private. Tell them that you've noticed them struggling and ask them if they're OK. This serves two purposes. Firstly, if they really are having a hard time, a simple act of kindness might help them deal with their issue without attacking other people. Secondly, it will let them know that they are doing a terrible job of covering their insecurities which will equally discourage them from tormenting others.
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