I really love doing comedy. I love getting to watch a load of shows, I love the friends I’ve met through gigs and I love performing.
Jamie D'Souza by Natasha Pszenicki
People are often surprised that I do comedy, because I was very quiet in school. I wouldn’t say boo to a goose. This is partly because I was shy, but mainly because I think trying to verbally intimidate geese is a fruitless waste of everyone's time.
Comedy has been great for my confidence and sense of self worth. This is in some way surprising as you really get put through the ringer when you’re starting out in comedy.
Trawling from terrible open mic to even worse open mic, trying out new jokes that fall flat, and having to deal with hecklers who have the sole intention of pointing out your deepest insecurity.
You’d think all these things would turn you into a nervous wreck. In some ways it’s made me so much more aware of my various flaws and shortcomings, but thankfully at the same time, it’s made me realise that there really is no point in caring what strangers think of you.
I’ve had some awful gigs where people have not laughed at anything, and surprisingly the world kept spinning. It might feel like a big deal at the time, but realistically no one outside the 30 (admittedly quite peeved) people in East Grinstead are even aware of what happened.
I can make peace with that, as long as I never have to go to East Grinstead again.
I feel that kind of confidence has really helped me. It’s not confidence from a place of ego, or thinking you’re better than anyone, it’s confidence from a place of not letting other people’s opinion of you get you down.
That said, I’m well aware I’m a straight bloke shamelessly talking about myself for Female First so there’s a strong case that I could do with quite a bit less confidence.
I should say at this point, as it might not sound like it, but I have had good gigs as well! It’s equally important not to take those to heart. While a bad gig shouldn’t puncture your ego, a good gig shouldn’t inflate it too much.
I have seen comics come off stage and whether they’ve had a good or bad gig has a profound effect on their mood. I’d find this impossible to deal with.
I used to work in an office, and if every time I did a good day's work I posted on social media about how blessed I was to be part of the data analysis community I’d be insufferable.
That said, working in comedy is a blessing. I think weighing up the pros and cons it’s likely to have been a net positive on my mental health (you can take data analysis out of the boy, etc etc etc).
Jamie D’Souza’s debut stand up show ‘Stop Drawing Willies On My Poster’ will be at the Pleasance Courtyard Below at 7.10pm for the month of August for tickets go to www.edfringe.com