Yolanda Hadid considered suicide during her Lyme disease battle.
Yolanda Hadid
The 57-year-old reality TV star was diagnosed with the autoimmune disorder in 2012 and admitted that it took such a toll on her mentally and physically that she thought about ending her life.
In an excerpt from her new memoir 'Believe Me: My Battle with the Invisibility of Lyme Disease', obtained by PEOPLE, she writes: "I take off my clothes and slip into the dark blue ocean, which is cool and comforting. The waves gently wash over my naked body, and I can feel the current tugging at me. Tears pour out of my eyes, roll across my cheeks, and meld with the salt water as I try to still my mind to become one with the water's ebb and flow.
"God please just take me away in a wave. I can't live like this one more day. Please carry my body away. I just want to disappear. My next thought is a clear image of my three children. It shifts my consciousness immediately and that's the only thing that keeps me from letting myself drift and drown."
Yolanda has three children, Bella and Anwar - who also suffer with Lyme disease - and Gigi.
The former model says she is now in what feels like remission and is looking forward to the future.
She explained: "As difficult as these past five years have been, I am so grateful that this journey has led me to living in the light. I have had it all and lost it all, only to see that less is more, money can't buy you health or happiness, and one day at a time is good enough."
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