Vinnie Jones says his spirit is "broken" following the death of his wife four years ago.
Vinnie Jones says his spirit is 'broken' following the death of his wife Tanya Jones four years ago
The 58-year-old former footballer-turned-actor lost Tanya Jones to cancer in 2019, and he has now admitted he will never overcome the "traumatic reality" of her passing.
He told New Zealand's Stuff.co.nz: "[I] still can't "f****** comprehend that I’m going to bed on my own tonight.
"[Grief] is a ghost ... It’s a blanket. It wraps around you and it pulls you down. You don’t know when it’s going to happen, why it happens. It just happens.
"You've got to try and get your head above water, breathe in as long as you can because you know you’re going to be pulled under again.
"My spirit may be broken inside, but I think I’ve got enough knowledge and enough experience to cope with it."
Vinnie - who is hosting New Zealand reality TV series 'Tracked' - admitted he would "drown" if he didn't throw himself into work.
He said: "You gotta give people what they want, or you f...ing drown.
"It’s f****** exhausting ... [Sometimes I want to] build a 50-foot wall around to keep everybody out and keep me in ..."
Vinnie - who married Tanya in 1994 - tries to encourage other guys to speak about their mental health issues, because he believes there are too many men who are "scared" of talking about their feelings.
He added: "A lot of blokes especially, I try and get through to, because they’re scared of saying, ‘I’ve got mental health issues’. They think they're gonna be fired from work and put in a f****** nut house.
"It can't be a hidden secret in the closet like, 'Don’t f****** tell the neighbours.' We’ve got to make it modern, 'Where you going?' 'I’m going to see my psychologist.' 'OK.' "
In December 2020, Vinnie admitted he speaks to his late wife every morning.
He told the Daily Star Sunday newspaper: "Every morning, I get up, make my bed and have a little chat with Tan about what I’m doing and how much I miss her. Even now it’s one day at a time.”
At the time, the star was keeping himself occupied with his work projects.
He said: "I have a film production company and we have a £100 million investment fund. And I’ve got my wooden flooring company, Deacon Jones, which is doing great, so I’m keeping busy.
"I have to go with the flow and accept it will take time to come to terms with my grief. There’s no point in fighting it.
"Tan was an incredible, remarkable woman and I will never get over losing her. But I have lots of happy memories - she left me with a lifetime’s worth. I don’t need to carry a memento because she is always here, in my heart."
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