Stephen 'tWitch' Boss' widow had no "inkling" he was feeling "low" before he died.
Allison Holker has given her first interview since her husband Stephen 'tWitch' boss died
Allison Holker - who raised Weslie, 14, Maddox, seven, and three-year-old Zaia with her late husband - admitted it has been "really hard" to process the DJ's suicide almost five months ago because the 'Ellen DeGeneres Show' star's external image showed no signs of his inner turmoil.
She told People magazine: "No one had any inkling that he was low. He didn't want people to know. He just wanted to be everyone's Superman and protector...
"It's been really hard because I can't understand what was happening in that moment [he died]."
The 35-year-old dancer is determined to stay strong for the sake of her kids and is encouraging them to be open about their emotions.
She said: "I could allow myself to go to a really dark place right now, and that would be valid and fine. But I want to choose a different way for myself and the kids...
"I'm trying to teach them — and myself — that if you're angry or sad, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. We're coping together, and that requires trust and being really vulnerable.
"We lean on each other a lot for support because every single day is a new emotion. And honestly, not even day by day. It's moment by moment.
" You never know when something is going to trigger a memory or thought and make you go into your head a little bit, so we make sure to communicate that with each other.
"We want to be okay — and we are okay — but it's taking a lot of work together."
Allison has left tWitch's things untouched since his death.
She said: "He was such a family man, and there's so much of his love in this house. He brought so much love to this world. He did it with so much joy, and he was so cool when he did it too. I want my kids to know that, too."
The couple first met in 2010 on 'So You Think You Can Dance' and Allison admitted she hasn't yet tried dancing again because it will be so emotional.
She said: "Dancing with him was so special. I haven't danced yet. That's gonna be a big step for me, but I know that I'll get there. He's guiding me on this path."