Sinéad O’Connor “couldn’t wait to get to heaven” to see her abusive mum who she believed gave her a “suicidal instinct”.
Sinéad O’Connor ‘couldn’t wait to get to heaven’ to see her abusive mum who she believed gave her a ‘suicidal instinct‘
The late singer, 56, shot to global fame after she wept for her mother Johanna in the music video for ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’, and made the remarks in an emotional interview that has resurfaced after she was found dead in London on 26 July after moving back to the city from her native Ireland to work on a new album.
She told TV psychologist Dr Phil, 72, in 2017 about her memories growing up with her mum: “She kicked the s*** out of me. She won’t change her clothes. She won’t wash. The same for us, five years of living in the same clothes. No washing.
“She won’t heat the house. She won’t get lights. She won’t get out of bed. She won’t stop taking drugs.
“She never tells me I’m pretty. She never tells me I’m sweet. She makes my little brother scream. She smells. There was a smell about her that was sickness. The smell of evil you know.”
When Dr Phil asked Sinéad on his show how she was hurt by her mum: “Kicking me, kicking me, kicking me, kicking me and kicking me. And telling me I’m evil and telling me I shouldn’t have been born and the reason my father left is my fault.”
The singer added all she wanted from her mum was “cuddles, love, kisses, sweet names, snuggles”.
But she insisted: “I wanted to mother her. I would have taken care of her, even if she was an absolute monster.”
Sinéad admitted about her belief her mum passed on her mental torment to her:
“Although I miss her horribly, I really ache for her, and I think that’s part of where my suicidal instinct comes from, that I want my mother.”
But she said she wanted to die “naturally”, adding: “I cannot wait until the day that I naturally get to heaven so that I can see my mother again. I’d throw myself on her like a monkey and I’d never let go. I’d tell her I love you, I love you, I missed you so bad.
“My life has been terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible. I miss her so bad. I can’t wait to see her again.”
Sinéad admitted she cried during the making of the 1990 ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’ video as she couldn’t stop thinking about her mum’s 1985 car crash death five years before it was made: “I didn’t know I was going to cry singing it. “Every time I sing the song, I think of my mother.
“I never stopped crying for her.”
Tagged in Dr Phil