Kendra Wilkinson has revealed she went into psychosis when she was hospitalised with severe depression in September.
Kendra Wilkinson's healing process included bringing up her Playboy era trauma
The Playboy legend, 38, took herself to the emergency department after suffering a huge panic attack and has heartbreakingly admitted she felt like she was "hitting the end of my life".
She candidly told PEOPLE: “I was dying of depression. I was hitting the end of my life, and I went into psychosis.
“I felt like I wasn’t strong enough to live anymore.”
She continued: “It was the lowest place I’ve ever been in my life. I felt like I had no future. I couldn’t see in front of my depression.
“I was giving up and I couldn’t find the light. I had no hope.”
The former 'Girls Next Door' star - who has son Hank IV, 14, and daughter Alijah Mary, nine, with ex-husband Hank Baskett - did everything she could to try and "cure" herself, but it only got worse.
She added: “I was trying to fight it on my own. I was trying to cure it on my own and you can’t do that.
“I was isolating, hiding, blaming myself, blaming the world. I was spiralling out of control and I felt like I wasn’t strong enough to survive.”
It was her former spouse who took her to the hospital.
She said: “Hank driving me to the hospital that day was out of care. It wasn’t out of marriage."
Kendra was prescribed the antipsychotic medication Abilify and had to attend therapy three times a week as an outpatient.
And her time in the Playboy mansion - where she was once one of late founder Hugh Hefner's girlfriends - was one of the traumas she had to face.
She shared: “I didn’t realise how bad I was suffering or what people were seeing of me until I got there.
“I had to really look in the mirror and be like, ‘I need help.'”
As part of her healing process, she asked herself: “Why did I have sex with Hugh Hefner at that age? Why did I do that? Why did I go to the mansion in the first place? Why did I get big boobs? Why am I a sex symbol?”
Kendra was 18 when she first had sex with the Hefner, who was 78 at the time, and has admitted she had no idea living in the Playboy Mansion would mean agreeing to be one of his girlfriends and having sex with him.
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