Jessica Biel felt as though she had "failed" her son when she underwent a C-section to deliver him.
Jessica Biel
The 36-year-old actress recently revealed she was forced to abandon her plan for a natural birth in favour of an emergency caesarean section when her son Silas - whom she has with her husband Justin Timberlake - was born in April 2015.
And she has now opened up further about the tough decision, admitting she felt as though she had let her baby down because her body hadn't worked the way it was "supposed" to.
She said: "That was a very transformative experience, because I had such a plan. I thought, this was going to happen and this is the way it shall be, and everything happened the opposite way and it was a great lesson in knowing in the future, 'OK, you know things in life you plan and you have to be flexible,' especially being a parent and having to go, 'OK, we're changing the plan, we're not going there, we're having a meltdown,' or 'We're having a good day, let's go get in the car or jump in a plane,' like, you have to be flexible, and I had a very hard mindset of what I wanted to happen.
"And I'm just in awe of women who have a natural birth and if I have the opportunity to try it again or do it again, it will be amazing. And, if not, I don't have that feeling anymore. I don't have that intense drive that it will make me more of a woman or more of a mother or I failed because I felt as if I failed him, because my body didn't work the way it was supposed to work."
Since opening up about her labour complications, the 'Sinner' star is determined to help educate and comfort mothers who may have been through similar experiences.
She added to 'Entertainment Tonight': "I think its important to talk about these things because there is so much shame and guilt wrapped around motherhood and birth and what it means and how it happens and how you do it and what your choices are. It's important to just say, 'Well, this is what happened, and you know what? I'm here and he's here and that's what we needed to make happen.'"
Jessica and Justin, 37, spoke of Jessica's complications in an excerpt from a new book by "nanny to the stars" Connie Simpson.
The 'Next' star said: "Our story with Nanny Connie started the day we brought our son home from the hospital. That may sound like a normal statement coming from new parents, except our birth plan was anything but normal. We had two midwives, one doula, one meditation birthing class, a ton of hippie baby books, and a lovely home in the Hollywood Hills that we had turned into a labor training facility that we called The Octagon. So, not exactly normal.
"When all our plans fell apart and the serene, natural childbirth we had envisioned ended with a transfer to the hospital and an emergency C-section, we arrived home exhausted, disillusioned, and totally in shock. I was obsessed with everything organic, toxin-free, natural, and homeopathic for our kid, who came into this world in an operating room through an incision. I was a dictator, making myself and my husband insane!"
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